mixed feelings??
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mixed feelings??
| Fri, 05-25-2007 - 12:03am |
ive raised my teenage sister for a long time now... on my own, since she was eleven(whn our mother passed away) and i am her legal guardian...shes turning 18 soon and graduating this weekend...she stays with my friend most of the time but this just stared recently b/c she'll be 18 and needs to make her own choices....the thing is part of me is very excited and i feel like i have prepared her well for life and she will be fine and i get to focus on me for awhile...the other part of me is kinda sad my baby is a grown-up...i guess thats normal...but ive been pretty hurt lately because she always gets me something for mothers day (which she calls siters day) and she told me happy sisters day this yr but did not get me a card or anything...tht would not have hurt my feeling so mush except for the fact that she got my friend a card.....the ones shes been staying with...i do all the work for all these yrs and i dont get evenb a little credit...i hate to sound selfish but she has never really appreciated the mommy role i took on for her so that her life could be much less complicated and she could be a kid unlike mine was at her age...i did not do any of it for recognition i did it b/c i love her and shes my baby but i just wonder if she will ever appreciate what i have done for her or at least show me respect....shes been really freat lately but i cant get rid of the hurt that is caused by the mothers day thing and the fact that i feel like shes taking my baby after ive done all the work, i know shes not a baby anymore and that she is trying to be her own person and my friend(who is much older than i am) is just trying to be helpful to me but i just feel like shes stealing my child....does this sound stupid...am i just experiencing the normal mixed feeling that all parents have when their children grow up.....

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What you have done for your sister is wonderful!
It does sound like a certain amount of what you're feeling is the empty nest syndrom - speaking as one who is facing a very quiet and empty nest very soon.
I'm sure that some day your sister will appreciate what you have done, but it might not even be until she has children of her own that it will all sink in. My ex MIL helped raise her 4 younger siblings when her mother died. They still had a father, but he was working as was one older sister, so she probably took care of the house and kids. The youngest sister was only about 5. One day she came home from school crying because the kids said she didn't have a mother and my MIL said "yes you do - it's me."
I know it's tough when they leave home. I have an 18 yr old too.
There may be a lot of other people out there who are trying to parent her - but who does she come to when she really is talking to the parent of her heart?
sounds wonderful....
it doesn't really matter if they give us gifts or cards...what matters is those feelings that exist in their hearts, and that we know they are there. enjoy the loving feelings, and words spoken, that are far more memorable than any words printed on a card, or any joy from opening a gift.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
The sad news is...your sister probably won't truly inderstand what you did, the sacrifices you've made, until she is much older. Maybe not until she is a mom herself, and let's hope that is years away!! Welcocme to the underappreciated, misunderstood world of motherhood! My Mother's Day was a disappointment this year, too. I got a couple of cards, but by 10 am, the kids were over it all, and off with their friends. I went to a museum and dinner, by myself...On we go, doing the duty we promised, with any accolades few and far between; often caught in the most unexpected moments.
I wish you time for you, time to discover what you would have done if you'd been able to, someone wonderful to share raising your own child with, should you choose. And I promise you, you and your sister will have the most wonderful relationship as you both mature, closer that most. Blessings! Laura
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