Very Anxious - DDs 1st psych visit toda

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Very Anxious - DDs 1st psych visit toda
13
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:19am
I've had a very tough run w DD for the past few months. She's the DD that had sex w a random guy and since that day has attempted to "run away" twice. Both times she got angry over a confontation with me and bolted away barefoot (once out of a car and once out of our front door). Both times she was returned by the police. Tuesday was the final straw, when I discovered that she was drinking vodka (alone) out by our pool. DH and I took her immediately to the ER for a drug and alcohol screen. She was posiive for alcohol - negative for other drugs. We where supposed to start counseling next week - but have changed our plan at the advice of our pediatrician. We are going to see a psychiatrist later today. I'm really nervous..... still in denial that this is happening to my family and my DD. I feel like a failure as a Mom.... although I know this is not about me it's hard to digest. I really have no purpose to this post... other than the fact that I can't sleep and I'm really scared and nervous for this visit. I so hate to medicate DD... which is probably what will happen. I hate for her to have the stigma of mental illness for the rest of her life. Plus... I'm feeling lots of anger towards her. I keep wondering why in the world she is behaving like this....I feel like with a little effort she could turn everything around.
Thanks for listening to my rant. Say a little prayer for my family later today... we really need it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 7:27am

Many gentle hugs to you hollybeary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 8:11am

Of course you're anxious! Who wouldn't be?

It may not just be about meds. Perhaps this person will see something you can't because you are so close and just have the right words(well, over time)

When I talk about bringing a speech therapist in for a young child not talking, some of my involved, caring, intelligent parents(like you)really question me as to what that person is going to do. They feel they have already done all the right things-and they have. They read the books, didnt cave to the kid when he pointed, poured over the net for suggestions and followed them. Still, kid isnt talking

I always say that the speech person has seen so many kids just like theirs, she has a bag of tricks-simple, simple things we just would never think of that she knows work because she has used them 100 times

I know this isnt speech therapy, but I think the same applies. This is new to you; it's not going to be new to this psychiatrist. He or she is going to have the experience and teh bag of tricks; dd seems like such a puzzle to you but to the psych, she is going to be just like Jane from back in Dec and Josh from last week, KWIM?

Hope it goes well

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:11am
Hugs to you darlin!
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:17am

Having been in a situation similar to yours (ongoing with dd17) I strongly suggest that you follow through with the therapy in conjunction with the psychiatrist.

The right therapist can make all the difference in the world between your dd taking meds or not taking meds. And no responsible psychiatrist would medicate without also having the requisite of therapy in place for your dd as well.

Besides the fact that dd (and you and H) need to understand the underlying issues behind the behavior. If let's say she IS dealing with some type of neuro-biological disorder such as depression, bi-polar, oppositional disorder, etc., the meds may help her, but she STILL needs to learn new ways of coping with her impulsivity and/or depression - understand? It's not as if taking a pill suddenly transforms her into a perfect, know what to do at any given moment teen. She will still need help navigating appropriate responses for any given situation.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but with the right counselor and DR, I think you'll all come through it okay. It's not all that unusual for a teen to experiment with sex and alcohol and drugs. What I am saying is to help yourself by not reacting to every little thing she does wrong. Part of our teens' growth and development is through learning, sometimes the hard way and without parental intervention. Sleeping with random guys IS a big deal; getting wasted by herself IS a big deal; BUT sneaking a beer with a gf is not such a big deal - do you know what I mean? Once she is stabilized, your DD will need the opportunity to grow and develop at her own pace. However, you can still demand that she be held accountable for her whereabouts, who she is with, what they are doing, etc. A good counselor can help you guage when she's ready to be more independent and guide you as you learn to trust her again.

In the meantime, be sure to take some time out for you. Perhaps dd can spend an afternoon with a responsible family member so you and H can get some respite. Even if you go for a simple walk in the woods or sit idly on the patio - just take some time to be alone and relax. When my dd was putting us through the worst of it, my DR prescribed Xanax because I was a basket case; couldn't sleep, eat, I was crying round the clock, h and I were not talking - it was an awful time and it lasted over a year. We are still dealing with some residual effects. I even went to counseling myself because I was carrying around this blame and guilt thinking everything was my fault and feeling so helpless. Counseling was very supportive for me and H, it really helped us get a handle on things with dd. I hope you can take some time to take care of yourself - it's important for you to be nurtured so you can be strong for your family. Best of luck - I can't wait for mine to be independent and on her own. Thank God my oldest was easy because I don't think I would have been able to handle two of them!! Gentle hugs~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 9:23am
Believe me I know exactly how you feel with regards to feeling like a failure as a mother, moments of anger towards her, the sadness when you think that your child has a mental illness.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 10:08am
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can't believe that you are feeling like a bad mother. I think you're a great mother, you have taken the time to notice that something is not right and you're getting your dd the help she needs. Hats off to you!
Suzanne
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 12:39pm
I agree w/ everything that the OPs said, but I just wanted to add a couple of things that I know about because my DH has a MI and has been on medication and in counselling for years. First, it takes a few weeks for any psych medication to start working, so don't expect overnight changes. I also agree that you should go to counselling yourself. After saying I was going to go and putting it off every time things got back to normal, I finally started myself. I have only gone to 2 sessions and when I start to list all the issues that have happened in the last few years, I really came up w/ a long list. At first, of course, the therapist just has to get some background info, so you feel like not much is getting done. But it's a relief to have started the process and to have someone to talk to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:18pm

I just wanted to say, it warms my heart to see the wonderful support everyone has offered hollybear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:38pm
This is my first day here and yours is the first thing i read . But i have been through all of that with my ds . After we decided on taking him to see a therapist I was very frightened of the whole thing . With the right therapist it can turn everything around and you can feel like you have your own dd or ds back. With my son we became closer than we every were .I just let him know in the beginning that I was confident this was what we were doing and that was that . He didnt like it at first but he trusted that I had my mind made up and it was the road we were taking . Im not saying all was fixed, but enough to keep my son save and alive . We saw them every week for about six months it had seemed that it would be forever but it is such a short time when you think about the rest of their lives.It is over now and when it ended it seemed sad that it ended so soon. But trust your guts, you will know what you need and dont be afraid to add your input whenever you want just remember this is your dd therapist and they wont tell you much but you will see things for yourself and you will know if its all going good. i wish you luck and believe me it is sooo worth it .
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:57pm

I am new to this but I wanted to add something to the discussion. I have a 17 DD who has been in therapy for depression and anxiety problems for about a year. We tried to handle her problems on our own for a couple of years with medication only. I had tried various counselors before last year but she did not respond to any of them. I tried again last spring and praise be we found someone that she really responded to. She has made quite a bit of progress and has even written a paper for school about the benefits of therapy. I just wanted to point out that it is definetly a process and one that takes time but I really believe that eventually our entire family will benefit.

A teacher once told me that if your child had a broken leg you would get them help to heal. Mental health issues can be just as debilitating and certainly need to be treated. As parents we cannot feel like failures for not having perfect children although I have been down that road many times myself.

I am thinking of you and praying for you. I think you will be glad to have taken what is a very positive step in getting your daughter some help.

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