How do you stop the lying?
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| Tue, 10-16-2007 - 9:27am |
If you even can that is! And it's over stupid stuff. But I feel we need to nip this in the bud now before it gets worse.
14yo lying about breaking a window.
13yo lying to cover for his brother who broke a window.
Same 13yo lying about something in his bedroom, when I *know* what the situation was, he had to have known I knew about the situation (after all it was an in your face type of thing), and yet he lied about it anyway.
So there's some big lies, there's more small lies going on then big ones however and I'd rather not have any lies going on.
We've told them for years that we will always find out the truth. I've shared some of my own youth stories with them to let them know that they can not try anything that I haven't already tried. So they should know that they won't get away with it.
Yet they still lie about things. Which is a typical teen thing, I understand that. But there's got to be a way to stop it, right?

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By separating the punishment for lying, from the punishment for whatever the lie was designed to conceal.
I wouldn't make a big deal about the window.
>>>>when teens habitually lie, it often stems from a need for attention or a way of coping with the demands of parents and other adults. ...... Are they allowed to fall short of the mark?<<<
This is a very key point. People (especially kids) lie when the punishment for telling the truth is worse than the punishment for lying. I remember hiding my report card from my mom in M.S because I was afraid and embarrassed of her reaction to a bad grade (of course that was dumb and she found out and would have found out one way or another anyway). Punishment can also mean plain old parental disappointment - lying to avoid that "I'm so disappointed in you" talk is a big motivator for teens.
IMHO, you should talk to your boys about why you are more disappointed about the lying than the original error. Tell them you will always be less angry if they come clean. And then you have to MEAN IT and follow through.
Sue, mom to Leah and Seth
I dont think you stop lying; I think you teach honesty by modeling it
ANYONE who has their back against the wall will resort to fight or flight. I dont consider it lying and would not punish a teen or a toddler for it. If there is something in his room that shouldnt be, then address THAT issue. The fact he denied something that he knew you could see with your own eyes lends credence to the 'fight or flight' theory. An effective liar plans and takes time-all your son did was react
Asking a toddler with his hand in the cookie jar what he is doing is asking for 'nothing'. I see no reason to set him up. And I think you will get better results from avoiding it.
You make a good point - sometimes parents unconsciously set kids up to lie.