I at a loss for DD's destructive choices

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
I at a loss for DD's destructive choices
6
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 2:59am

Hi all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 8:33am

Oh dadfor6, it sounds like your DD has SO much negativity in her life these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 8:52am

I find it hard to believe she could need more love from the adults in her life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 9:05am

At least your DD called you to get a ride home.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 9:56am

So sad you are going through this with your daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 10:49am

I question the depression myself. Obviously, she is your DD and if you think that's a possibility, you need to pursue it with a physician

But it had the ring of an excuse. If perhaps you or DW pursued "why are you drinking?' and she had to come up with an answer, any semi wise 17 yr old will think of depression. Many, many seniors in HS drink each and every weekend and they are hardly depressed, KWIM? I drank every weekend in college(I was 17)and I wasnt the least bit depressed-I was having the time of my life! It was the social scene of that environment; I was up and in class on Monday morning and was on the Deans List.

But, again, you know her best.

My concern is they will likely put her on meds for the depression and, if she isnt committed to stopping the drinking, you now have a teen mixing drugs and alcohol. Diagnosing things like depression isnt an exact science and IMO most clinicians take the 'better safe than sorry' route and will go with the diagnosis and treat.

My biggest worry would be drinking and driving. By DS2's senior year, I simply said that if he was at a house drinking he was to stay put until morning. In his case, it was 'the guys' so I wasnt dealing with the sexual activity end of things. But there were a few times he did exactly that and I was fine with it then and am even more fine with it now, 2 years later. At 19, he isnt 'going downhill' but seems to be past that stage and moving forward which truly is what I had hoped for

If her group of friends is into drinking, your chances of stopping her are far less than your chances of teaching her to be sneakier and more dishonest. She already led you down that path at least once, correct?

Keep them at YOUR home as much as possible. Monitor her whereabouts-call the land line of the parents she is to be at that evening. But, ultimately, I think the message needs to be 'if you drink,stay the night or call me for a ride'. She already did the latter and that IMHO is awesome and what you want to encourage more of.

She is off to college in less than 12 mos

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 11:51am

You raise a good point about drinking while taking anti-depressants.