My oldest is a bright young man, actually a high achiever in some areas, but when it comes to the awards that comes to the academically gifted - not going to happen.
My two are about equal in their abilities. Neither of them is an honors student, but they are both doing okay. Both could do better if they really put the effort forth. But they each have their special area where they excel. Kelsie is an amazing writer, she is working on her 3rd book, and I don't mean 50 page book. Her 2nd one is 200 typed pages long (with a #10 font) it is a passion with her and I wish she would edit at least one of them and try to get published. She is also wonderful in art and is taking drawing and painting this year.
Jaryd is my computer boy, he is great in technology and is doing really well in CAD this year. He is very technical and loves to see how things work. Don't know where he gets that ability, neither of us have that kind of ability. My 2 are 2 yrs apart.
I do remember when I was a kid though, my older brothers and I were three right in a row, my younger brother was a couple years behind me. The 2 older ones were in "special progress" in elementary school. This is comparable to honors, I didn't get into "special" and I never thought I was as good as them until I was older. My parents never said I wasn't as good, but I felt it. When I got older I realized that they just had different gifts. Probably around high school this all came about. But I was always very close with all my brothers. I was always happy for them, especially #2 brother when he got awards. He won just about every award possible. He was 2nd in his class of over 500 in hs and there was only .2% difference between him and #1. We were all really proud of him and just knew that he was wonderful, I also felt that my other brothers were wonderful and never had a problem with them being sooooo smart. When I was young I did a little, but once we were in hs, there wasn't any problem.
I think if your girls are supportive of one another and are close, you don't need to worry about it. They are old enough to know that they each have their own special gifts and special places in the world.
Although our two sons are six years apart, we have experienced the same thing--one feeling deficient in an area in which the other excels. When I see that one is feeling inept or inadequate in some way, I try to make sure I bring up that one's strong points. Sometimes I do that not in the same conversation, but later in the day, or week, so they don't think I'm just trying to make them feel good. At other times, if I can see they are really down about something, I do give them an immediate boost. (You could dig up some of your dd's old artwork and spend some time with her praising it. Or ask about her friends and comment on how wonderful it is that she has already developed close friendships at her new school and what a great personality she has.)
As Rose mentioned, people skills sometimes take a person much farther in life than brains. I always stress how important diversity is, and how boring life would be if we all had IQs of 160, or if we all were Type As, or if we all were blue-eyed, blonde, perfectly-shaped beauties, or if we all played only football and baseball, or if we all shared the same religious or political beliefs. The human mind needs diversity to be stimulated, and we are all okay, even if we are "different". These discussions took place especially when our younger son, a follower always trying to be like the others, was in HS and would occasionally comment on some kid who was a bit strange. I could never stand listening to that, especially coming from our own child who I thought we raised to be an open-minded, independent thinker, accepting of everyone. Even though high school kids don't always seem to be listening to what we parents have to say, I do think some of it sinks in.
My kids are two grades apart and we have experienced some of this. My eldest is a very high achieving kid and it comes naturally to her. She was a National Merit Scholar, earned a near perfect ACT (35), and won all the English and History awards as well as the coveted leadership prize given at her school. She was editor in chief of two school publications, was a leader of a school honor society, sang in the honors choir, and was featured in the local paper as an outstanding student, etc. Her younger sister is a wonderful kid who has a much better work ethic than her big sister but who has to work much, much harder to achieve less exceptional results. She has actually been approached by teachers at her school who try to console her that she's not as celebrated as her sister--I think that's ridiculous. She is, like your eldest, talented in areas like art and music and theater. We make a point of complimenting her strengths and her wonderful good, conscientious nature. It can be hard to watch the disparity and the sibling's disappointment but I truly believe that the long term message of support from the parents wins out.
In your case, I think the opportunity to have your eldest at home alone, without the younger sister's presence, is a blessing. This way you can focus on her without distraction and can enrich her life with activities and events tailored to HER. Read books together for discussion, go to talks, go to museums together, enroll her in special art classes, get her to compete in art contests (Scholastic?), do what you've been doing and continue to reward and validate her.
I have 3 kids. The oldest is 8 years older than the younger two. The younger two are only a grade apart. The oldest is all honors and works very hard to achieve what she does. The younger two are only in grades 2 and 3 so this will be an interesting ride. They all, like any set of siblings, have a certain amount of comparisons and competition with one another. I found after working with children for many years that the most important thing was to help each child find their own strengths and celebrate their individuality. As siblings, it has also been important to teach them to celebrate each other and learn that they are not in competition. For one to win an award has *nothing* to do with the other. It does not detract from the other. That is that individual child's accomplishment. Each child is celebrated. I try to help each child focus on his/her strengths and feel good about it. There is so much more to life than academia. There are sports, arts, social skills, emotional connections, animals, the environment, religion, etc. Everyone has their strengths. In addition to that, it is important for each child to learn that they are *not* equivalent to their accomplishments. They are loved for their spirit, for their soul, and not for what it is that they do. So while I encourage them to strive to do their best in everything and to take pride in their accomplishments, I also remind them that it is their unique selves that I love and not the work that they produce. I never downplay any child's accomplishment for fear of making any sibling feel badly because the whole family should take pride in the achievement of any family member. That is a value that I want each child to learn. It helps the other children to learn that their siblings are *not* a reflection of *them*. What child A does has absolutely nothing to do with child B other than to make child B proud because child A is a member of the family. When child B has something to celebrate, we *all* celebrate. I think that helps the children to not make comparisons. Yes, its a gradual process and it doesn't eliminate rivalry completely, but it does help. I also minimize my own declarations of pride and focus more on the children's feelings of pride, saying things like, "You must be very proud about that!" This helps to focus them on their own feelings of accomplishment and less on trying to win my approval. Again, my love is about who they are and not what they do. I hope some of this makes sense and/or helps.
My oldest is a bright young man, actually a high achiever in some areas, but when it comes to the awards that comes to the academically gifted - not going to happen.
My two are about equal in their abilities. Neither of them is an honors student, but they are both doing okay. Both could do better if they really put the effort forth. But they each have their special area where they excel. Kelsie is an amazing writer, she is working on her 3rd book, and I don't mean 50 page book. Her 2nd one is 200 typed pages long (with a #10 font) it is a passion with her and I wish she would edit at least one of them and try to get published. She is also wonderful in art and is taking drawing and painting this year.
Jaryd is my computer boy, he is great in technology and is doing really well in CAD this year. He is very technical and loves to see how things work. Don't know where he gets that ability, neither of us have that kind of ability.
My 2 are 2 yrs apart.
I do remember when I was a kid though, my older brothers and I were three right in a row, my younger brother was a couple years behind me. The 2 older ones were in "special progress" in elementary school. This is comparable to honors, I didn't get into "special" and I never thought I was as good as them until I was older. My parents never said I wasn't as good, but I felt it. When I got older I realized that they just had different gifts. Probably around high school this all came about. But I was always very close with all my brothers. I was always happy for them, especially #2 brother when he got awards. He won just about every award possible. He was 2nd in his class of over 500 in hs and there was only .2% difference between him and #1. We were all really proud of him and just knew that he was wonderful, I also felt that my other brothers were wonderful and never had a problem with them being sooooo smart. When I was young I did a little, but once we were in hs, there wasn't any problem.
I think if your girls are supportive of one another and are close, you don't need to worry about it. They are old enough to know that they each have their own special gifts and special places in the world.
Although our two sons are six years apart, we have experienced the same thing--one feeling deficient in an area in which the other excels. When I see that one is feeling inept or inadequate in some way, I try to make sure I bring up that one's strong points. Sometimes I do that not in the same conversation, but later in the day, or week, so they don't think I'm just trying to make them feel good. At other times, if I can see they are really down about something, I do give them an immediate boost. (You could dig up some of your dd's old artwork and spend some time with her praising it. Or ask about her friends and comment on how wonderful it is that she has already developed close friendships at her new school and what a great personality she has.)
As Rose mentioned, people skills sometimes take a person much farther in life than brains. I always stress how important diversity is, and how boring life would be if we all had IQs of 160, or if we all were Type As, or if we all were blue-eyed, blonde, perfectly-shaped beauties, or if we all played only football and baseball, or if we all shared the same religious or political beliefs. The human mind needs diversity to be stimulated, and we are all okay, even if we are "different". These discussions took place especially when our younger son, a follower always trying to be like the others, was in HS and would occasionally comment on some kid who was a bit strange. I could never stand listening to that, especially coming from our own child who I thought we raised to be an open-minded, independent thinker, accepting of everyone. Even though high school kids don't always seem to be listening to what we parents have to say, I do think some of it sinks in.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
My kids are two grades apart and we have experienced some of this. My eldest is a very high achieving kid and it comes naturally to her. She was a National Merit Scholar, earned a near perfect ACT (35), and won all the English and History awards as well as the coveted leadership prize given at her school. She was editor in chief of two school publications, was a leader of a school honor society, sang in the honors choir, and was featured in the local paper as an outstanding student, etc. Her younger sister is a wonderful kid who has a much better work ethic than her big sister but who has to work much, much harder to achieve less exceptional results. She has actually been approached by teachers at her school who try to console her that she's not as celebrated as her sister--I think that's ridiculous. She is, like your eldest, talented in areas like art and music and theater. We make a point of complimenting her strengths and her wonderful good, conscientious nature. It can be hard to watch the disparity and the sibling's disappointment but I truly believe that the long term message of support from the parents wins out.
In your case, I think the opportunity to have your eldest at home alone, without the younger sister's presence, is a blessing. This way you can focus on her without distraction and can enrich her life with activities and events tailored to HER. Read books together for discussion, go to talks, go to museums together, enroll her in special art classes, get her to compete in art contests (Scholastic?), do what you've been doing and continue to reward and validate her.
We have the same situation at home, but what's worse is that the 2 girls are stepSS and don't like each other much anyway.
DD is now in college, but in h.s. she was a very high achiever, top 10% of her class, took all honors classes, National Honor Society.
Thanks so much for your response and understanding.
Oh, wow, thanks for your reply.