dislike of teen girls friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
dislike of teen girls friends
14
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:40pm
Anyone have suggestions on how to deal with not liking your daughters friends.

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 2:26pm
How much time does she really spend with those friends?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:12pm

Thank you so much for your comments.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 4:45pm
Well, there you go....
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 5:06pm

How is your dd's behavior? If she is still involved in extracurricular activities and is making good choices (eg. not drinking), then that is a different situation than if she is modeling her friends' behavior. When my dd (now 16) was in middle school, she had, IMO, horrible friends and my dd's behavior was not pleasing AT ALL! I actually took it upon myself to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 9:14pm

There have been several boys over the years that I didn't want my boys hanging with.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 9:16pm

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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 10:31pm
LOL Rose!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 9:20am

It's interesting you should post this, buexause I had a conversaation with my DD16 last night, and (although I kept my mouth shut) part of me was thinking these are not great girls for her to hang with.

On the one hand, I admire my DD for her loyalty to her friends - they've been together as a group since 7th grade and pride themselves in saying they'll always be together. OTOH, I see that they engage in dangerous behavior and do not always repay her loyalty.

The best that I've figured out (and this is just me) is to talk it through with her - I would never say dump them as friends, because she won't listen to that and would stop asking my advice. I do talk about the specific things they do, and support her in trying to figure it out for herself. Last night I said that "you've worked hard to define who you are and what's important to you. Don't let their actions pull you away from that" She seemed to be able to hear that.

I think clinging to these friends gives her some stability. Which is ironic because they're not stable people, lol, but she likes having the core group she can always come back to. She does see them accurately, doesn't sugar coat their problems, but feels that a loyal friend sticks with them even in bad times.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 10:39am

Me too, Sue!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 12:09pm

I echo the advice to not speak out against the friends but to find more subtle ways to keep her busy at the times they will be getting together

I did have to say the being involved in sports is not an inoculation against drinking. Yes, those kids are busier but they know a lot of people and tend to be more 'popular'. And those people know people, including former team members who have graduated

In many way, access to alcohol is easier for these kids and I know very few kids on DS2s soccer and baseball teams that didnt drink.

My introverted boys(22 and 15)were/are much easier to parent than my sports/student council son in this respect. They didnt/dont do extracurriculars but they also didnt have the access and temptation my middle son had

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