DD's friends were suspended
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| Mon, 11-05-2007 - 7:21am |
A boy who is not really a friend of my DD (more a friend of a friend, and someone who a couple of her bffs "crush"), was suspended from school for 5 days last week for selling hash brownies in the hallway. ((STUPID,STUPID,STUPID)) The student (9th grade girl) he sold them to was "caught" by a teacher and gave up his name. When he came back (Friday), the tone among some 11th graders was "that kid's gonna pay" - and they went to find her. Apparently they were yelling and threatening her in the 9th grade hallway, and were (again) caught by a teacher. DD and her one consistently sane friend walked in the opposite direction when they figured out what was happening, but two other friends were among the yellers, and are now suspended for one day. No news yet on what happened the the original drug seller - I guess DD will find out today what his punishment is.
UGH - I tried very hard not to say "you need new friends" which is what it feels like. DD didn't want to talk to DH about it over the weekend, because she knew that's what he would say and didn't want to hear it. SO, I talked to him, and told him "she knows these aren't the greatest friends, but can't hear it from us right now" and he laughed (phew! I wasn't sure if he'd laugh or yell). Anyway, she's very upset - feels torn between loyalty to friends and feeling let down by them at the same time. And, really angry at them - she feels like everything this year is building a colleg app, and suspension shouldn't be part of it.
Now I'm hoping that DH doens't come down too heavy on her as they walk to the subway this am.


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It sounds like your DD has a good head on her shoulders and will do well in spite of the company she keeps.
Sue, mom to Leah and Seth
That is too bad Sue...
It's a good thing your DD and her friend had the sense to walk away when other kids were harassing the 9th grade girl.
You probably remember last fall when my DS, a follower, was suspended for admitting to drinking before a Friday football game. He and four friends got a 5-day suspension, had to see an addictions counselor and could not park on campus for 90 days. What I was irate about is the fact that they did no breathalyzer tests at the game and called no parents until the the following TUESDAY when they pulled students from classes and lunch and interrogated the students until they admitted to it. They let the kids drive home from the game! The AD also told me that DS looked normal (not under the influence)when he went into the stands and checked out the students at the game. The school told us that a cheerleading coach reported them, but some of the guys were sure one kid tattled on them and talked about getting back at him. I made sure DS knew he should have no part of that, and he should not change his opinion of the kid just because some said he tattled--no one could prove it.
At our HS the brownie-seller would've gotten a ten-day suspension and an automatic recommendation for expulsion--or maybe it would've been an automatic expulsion, can't remember. If it was a first-time offense, the school board likely would not have expelled him on appeal, but still would have had to rule on it. As I've said before.....this zero-tolerance stuff is way too heavy-handed in many cases.
One of my son's friends who also got suspended is a naturally bright student who got a 32 on his ACT and was a class officer--a very personable guy who had a bit too much fun. He was not accepted at U of M (neither was my DS but his ACT was lower), and I wouldn't be surprised if the asst princ. made a call the the admissions office to notify them of the incident. That AP has been moved to a middle school, and we've heard that she got a DUI this past summer. I have little respect for the school administrators at the HS, and was glad to get out of MI after an awful year!
It sounds like your DD can make the right choices. I know how you feel about wanting her to choose other friends; I did too, in my son's case, but knew he'd feel too controlled by me. Instead I told him he needed to warn them to stay out of trouble, convince them to stop, and if they didn't, to do as your DD did and just 'get out of there' when he knew they were doing wrong. I doubt he did that (tell them to stop), but it was the best advice I could offer.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Sue and Rose-
the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, ladies
If you have that stable nurturer personality, I think you are capable of seeing the good underneath the messy exterior. It doesnt mean you will be drawn into it.
I think stable people 'attract' the Is and Ns of the world. Sue, you never talk about your SO but I know Rose found 'the bad boy'.
There may have been some blips along the way, but he straightened out, not the other way around, right?
I think stable=strong
Good for your daughter for walking away. You should be very proud of her. She had the
maturity and values to know that it was wrong to target that grade 9 girl for given up the name of the drug pusher. Knowing high school culture, it would be too much to expect her to tell her classmates to stop. At least, she walked away.
The fact that she is feeling torn says volumes. She knows that her friends are in the wrong and deserve the suspensions. Perhaps if she feels strong enough she can approach that Grade 9 girl and tell her how awful she feels about the behavior of those Grade 11 kids (who are not as mature as that Grade 9 girl). I know that might be asking too much,given high school culture, but it would help that Grade 9 kid. And maybe it would find your daughter a better group of friends. Just a suggestion; it might be too much to ask of your DD.
Oh yeah, I married my "bad boy!"
You know the problem is, and alot of us have "been there", that the vast majority of people who do stupid or bad things are not stupid or bad people.
I disagree with this statement.
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