hovering okay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
hovering okay
2
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 9:07am

Just read a WA Post article "New Study Gives Hovering College Parents Extra Credit", based on the report that can be found at nsse.iub.edu.

The news article says that, esp. in the case of students who have academic difficulties, parent involvement can help. Higher grades don't necessarily result, but the students are more engaged and are involved in "deeper learning activities".

I cannot see myself ever contacting one of DS's instructors, but we definitely do hover in that we call DS daily (sometimes it's a 30-second conversation), and we encourage him to get involved in campus organizations, visit professors when he's not fully understanding the subject material, and even just to talk when he has a particular interest in something he's studying. Not sure he's doing those things, but it can't hurt to remind him occasionally. DS tells us he's doing well so far with a rather light load his first semester, but we won't know for sure until we see his grades posted in December.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: janetlz
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 10:45am


Calling him is good. I called my DD frequently to encourage and ask how's things are doing. And she calls home as well. Not everyday; we talk about 2 to 3 times a week. I asked how is she is feeling; how her work is doing. I listen more than anything else.

It shows the student that their parents care and love them. And tells the student that Mom & Dad are available if they need help.

This is the approach we have taken with both are kids. Granted, it might not work with every kid. To each its own. We don't check up on my DD's marks. We stopped that when she was in high school. She knows that an education is important for her future. She knows to seek help if she needs it and has in the past. She still calls me or her father for clarification on a problem. But we have "removed" the emphasis on marks and have put it on the "learning" instead. We have done the same with our son. We have encouraged "deeper learning activities" in both our kids by being engaged in what they are actually learning.

In other words, we talk "tech". I read every book they have/had to read in high school and am prepared to discuss. We don't tell DD how to participate in her own learning; we don't tell her to talk to profs. That's up to her. We don't tell her what extra activities she should or should not get involve in. She knows her work load; not us. She knows what she can or can not handle.

How has it worked? DD graduated high school on the Honor Roll & is now a Dean Scholar at a very prestigious university;in a very challenging program. She is handling life on her own very well, balancing her extra-activities with her school work. All we asked is she do her best; we have NEVER tied money/financial supprt to marks. Having had gone to university and earn graduate degrees, both DH & I know how difficult university can be.

DS is now in his last year of high school. Also on the Honor roll,he is working extremely hard to get the marks so he can follow his sister to the same university. We never micro-managing because it sends the message that they are not capable, that they are powerless; that you don't trust them. It robs them of a sense of accomplishment and it robs them of ownership of their own education. A large part of a university/college education is the student learning to problem solve on their own. If a kid screws up, he learns the consequences of his actions. Such is life and the younger the kid learns this, the more successful he will be as an adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: janetlz
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 11:53am

A lot depends on a kid's personality. Our older son, who had much more self-confidence and is an extrovert who can easily strike up a conversation with anyone, we called about once a week and the advice we gave him was pretty simple--dont' slack off--cuz he was an expert procrastinator.

DS18 is very different, and although he wants to be independent and says he can manage his life just fine, what he actually does tells us he's not so good at that yet. So, he gets more reminders/advice from us. Academically, he's doing fine and we probably have more confidence in him in that area, than he himself has. However, socially, he has a tougher time. He has plenty of friends, but still feels uncomfortable around adults. I'm quite sure it's cuz he feels inferior, and that they'll think he's stupid; and like many introverts, I think he's afraid of rejection. So he hears stories of how when I was a T.A., I enjoyed it when the good students came to office hours and, even though they weren't having difficulty, just wanted to get clarification. And I'd tell them how I liked it when they asked tough questions and got MY mind working. Our older son never heard those stories--there was never any need to bring it up with him.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM