what is going on here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
what is going on here?
10
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 6:00pm
You must be sick to death of hearing me complain my dd who is 13 is generally fresh...I decided after being bummed out this morning about it, I love her and would just try to keep a positive attitude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 7:02pm


Sorry, I would not allow my kid to talk like that to me, even at 13.
The few times my kids talked to me with disrespect, they heard about it.
Granted I am careful about my tone of voice with my 17 year old DS but that is because I have a very high voice & a hearing problem. I have trouble knowing if I am too loud or not.
The kids know that and tell me if I am talking too loud.

But even at that if he would ever tell me I was too perky, he would hear about it. He would never think of talking to me as if I was the kid and he was the parent.

You are the parent; she is the child. The next time she tells you that you are too perky,
tell her in a firm voice that she is being rude. PERIOD. If she doesn`t like it, tough. If she doesn`t learn respect for others and when it is appropriate to comment about someone`s personality or not at home, where will sheÉ

Of course, you don`t change your personality. You are who you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 9:26pm

Thank you so much for your reply--it meant so much to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:05am

Sweetie, you are not a failure as a mother. Far from it. A bad mom would not care. You care.

You are still her mother, always will be. One thing you should remember sweetie that we are always the most cruel to the people we care the most about. Teens rebel against those who they are the most closest to. You did not fail her;you did the best you could. She would not be that girl that all the teachers adore if it wasn't for you. She is who she is BECAUSE OF YOU. Please remember this. Your relationship not at the end. I am sure that she will grow up and realise how important you are to her.

Honestly, dear sunnymommillion, try to remember that you matter. You are an important valuable woman. I know how hard it is for us motherless mothers to mother. I grow up also without a mother. We always think we are not good enough. But we are. So what if you are older and a bit overweight. That has no bearing on the person you are. Gee, sweetie, you can not be as old as I am. I am in my late 50s with a 17 year old. Being older means that you've been on this earth longer, that you have had more experience, that you know what is important in life.

Why did you allow the woman who worked for you to treat you disrespectfully? Does she still work for you? FIRE HER. She is disrupting your family! Sweetie, dry your tears. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you matter. And stand up for yourself. AND BE ANGRY.

First, have a heart-to-heart with your DH. Remind him that when HIS DAUGHTER treats you with contempt, she is treating him with contempt as well. You are after all his wife. He is to back you up in your attempts to discipline the girls. Also remind him that if it wants his daughters to grow up to to well-adjusted women who one day form stable,long term
relationships, they have to learn respect and empathy.

I wish I was there with you and could give you a big hug.

Take care sweetie and REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 7:07am

>>>>Earlier, I had just had it her fresh, disrespectful manner which is very frequent. So, I said to her: you are not going to camp, you are not going to boarding school, you are not leaving this house until you learn how to talk respectful to me and other people. period.<<<<

Did you mean this? My guess is it was an empty threat - you'll either forget or back down, because these are huge things to hold over her head. So, she knows you're just blowing off steam and don't mean it. That won't work to change her behavior.

Instead, just ignoring and walking away is more effective. Guilt doesn't work, empty threats don't work. Just say "I won't talk to you when you use that tone of voice and walk away". She'll learn that the disrespect doesn't get under your skin and that it doesn't work to get what she wants.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 10:28am

I think that 13 is a really difficult age for girls and their mothers to go through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 8:03pm
Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 8:32pm

Thank you so, so so so much for your reply!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 10:34pm

Oh Sonny I feel so bad for you dear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 11:39pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:01am
Wow--thanks so much for your reply!!!