Divorced Dad of My DD's Friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Divorced Dad of My DD's Friend
7
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 10:21am
We are new to the area, been here about 6 months. DD is a freshman in hs- cheerleader, probably popular crowd, honor roll, a new BF who we approve of- and she mostly sees just at school. All good- right.? Enter her new BFF, who's parents are divorced- she and her Mom tell me because the Dad was physically violent with the Mother, and they had to escape to a shelter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:06am
Am I doing the right thing? How difficult will it be for these girls to remain friends if I do not let my DD spend time with her when she is with her Dad? Am I being too critical of this guy because he's divorced? I am just going on my gut instinct. It feels wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:28am

Trust your gut.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:38am

A big part of parenting is running on instinct. Frankly, there's no reason your DD has to visit her friend in the home of her single man dad...especially if the friend's time there is limited...and I wonder why he would even question that...more of my kids friends have parents who are split up than not. My 2 dd's aren't allowed to visit in the home when their friends are with dad, I'm not comfortable with it even if I do know them. Occasionally they will go to dinner or to the mall with a friend and her dad and then I encourage them to come here if they want a sleepover. Most of the dad's are more than happy to oblige, lol...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:00pm

Thanks for the reassurance. I did not mention that this Dad has a considerably younger live-in-girlfriend. That does not make me feel any differently. He just gives me the creeps and seemed like he was trying to manipulate me as well, today on the phone. I hate to seem like such a *_itch, but I am just trying to protect my daughter from this situation. Beleive it or not, this is the first time one of my kids has had a close friend from a divorced family. And I am not trying to stereotype that as bad. It's just another element in the relationship with this girl my daughter must encounter.I have no problem with the Mom or at my daughter staying overnight at her house.


Gut instinct. =) Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 3:44pm

I think the fact that your DD's friend's mom told you that they had to escape this man's abuse by going to a shelter and that your DD says that the dad is verbally abusive to his DD is enough reason not to allow your DD to go over there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 5:28pm
FWIW, my DD has a bff whose *mom* I don't trust. Not in the way you describe - but my gut tells me she doesn't supervise in the way that I would like. So...no sleepovers at her house. She knows I'm hesitant, and has tried to reassure me that DD would be safe with her. But, my gut has said no - and (interestingly) DD has NEVER pushed this (so maybe her gut says the same thing?). The girls are still bffs, see each other at school, and hang out just fine.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 8:22pm

Go with your gut deffinaly.What is worse making someone feel bad or something happening to your DD? I would just tell the mom of the bff exactly why you don't want your DH near him. If he was abusive to the BFF's mom then she might not want you telling him that.It might set him off. Or you could just say as I do often and I have all boy's "I am just an overprotective mother." They don't have to know why, it just is.


My DS has a bff and would go over there all the time. They are 13, and the bff's mom was young.I would hear oh the house isn't that clean and bff wasn't a good student but I chalked it up to her being young. She really looked like she was trying.


One morning (they went camping I wouldn't let DS go thank God)