How can DD handle a clingy friend?
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How can DD handle a clingy friend?
| Sun, 11-18-2007 - 4:11pm |
My DD is going to be 16 this week. She has lots of friends, mostly girls. She likes to be silly and laughs

I hate to say it, but I think your dd is going to have to get to a point where she just lets this girl go off and mope. This friend is manipulating your dd into spending the time with her and it isn't fair. She will just have to deal with it if your dd doesn't agree to be manipulated any longer. And if it continues your dd will get to that point where she won't take it any longer, this girl may end up breaking off the friendship claiming that dd isn't a good friend or what not, but will that really be such a bad thing. DD will just have to learn that others can't depend on her to make their good time for them and she shouldn't feel guilty because she wants to have a good time.
Kelsie has gone through this at times and finally won't put up with it any more. Even her bff does this sometimes and she won't be manipulated, bff gets upset and leaves, but then later apologizes and they are bff again.
Wow... From what you're describing, MANIPULATION should be in caps!
DD had a friend like this in 8th grade,
What a tough situation for your DD - sounds like she's very compassionate and a great friend. I've had several conversations with my DD over the years about making sure your friends are as supportive of you as you are of them - it's a back-and-forth relationship, not one way. Like your DD, it's hard for mine to see a friend sad, and the situation you describe would be hard for her.
BUT, I totally agree with previous posters that your DD needs to learn to not respond to the moping. Tell her that no one can "make you feel" guilty - that's something you put on yourself. Your DD can set some boundaries, and then practice having thick skin about it. With a mopey friend, one check-in to make sure she's OK, then say "OK, then, we're over here bowling/listening to music/etc when you want to come back". It's the same "walk away" strategy that I use with my DD when *she's* in a mood - address the specific issue, but ignore the moodiness.
Sue, mom to Leah and Seth