do you allow??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2003
do you allow??
13
Fri, 12-21-2007 - 11:04pm

Hi...

my dd 13.5 is in this group of friends.. nice kids mostly... that like to and have been starting to get together over the weekends and when school is out.

They have also gotton together during holiday breaks and went to the movies for a matinee..

Several parents take the kids.. and then pick them up. the kids actually arrange the rides and try to help each other get rides.. ok.

On Monday, my dd told me the "group" is going to the movies on Friday to see National Treasure. While we have no problem with the movie itself.. we do have a problem with her age group being in theater on a FRiday eve.. or Sat also... evenings are a problems for us - i guess. It feels different. I think people in movies on those eves are either on dates.. or are part of a family... or are people just wanting to see movies.. or are ??? don' t know..
we just don;t like the evening concept for under ?? what age ?? without adults around.

My daughter told her friends she could not go...

Funny thing... while no one could get rides to the movies.. or which movie theatre or what time or anything... my dd came home with 2 friends who really wanted to go ice skating.. (which i like as an idea much better!!) at our local town park. Outdoors but on a real park rink.

I told my dd that if they decided to go ice-skating... the others would follow...
she did not think so... but she knew i did not like the movie idea... (and the movie was not playing at an acceptable theatre near us anyway!! - the kids never looked) She called some friends and stated..."they were going ice -skating... want to join???"..

Calls were made out & in and within 1/2 hr.... like 10 kids were going ice skating - meet you all at 8:30!!
My husband who just got new hockey skates was thrilled and said he would go!! she was ok with this... no problem. And he would even pick up... another friend on the way!!Party..

I did hear my daughter refer to my not liking movies on fri eves as "dark friday" to explain me.. to her friends....

P.S.. the idea that some of her friends have started to “couple off” does concern me a bit…. fyi..

Question: do you agree? disagree?
what do you think??
thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:06am

My DSD is 12, and we only have her for standard visitation, so while she's here we all do stuff as a family because we don't get to see her very often... However, if she lived her permanently, (and closer to 13.5 or 14) I think I'd let her go.

 

Jenn, wife to Kurt, mom to a housefull...

DS16 Gunther, DSD13 Chandler, DS6 Liam, Baby Girl Delaney due *anym

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 7:45am

My DD was going to movies here in town with groups of friends without me on weekend evenings from the time she was 11 or 12 - but we live in a pretty small town where just about everything is within walking distance.

Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 8:52am
I think DS was around 13 when we let him meet with several friends to go to the movies on a weekend night - and yes, some did "pair" off. They WERE still very innocent at that point. At almost 17, it's now when I question what they do at the movies and wish they wouldn't go alone as a couple. I shutter to think what goes on. Most of our theaters have a rule that you can't go to see a movie after 9pm until you're 16. I have no idea if that's upheld though. I think the ice skating night sounds so much better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 9:58am

I have 3 kids, one thing I've found out about myself is that I've gotten increasingly permissive as we go down the line with the kids...DS-18 paved the way...DD-15 did more, younger, but, always wanted less. DD-12 is very active socially. I think it was late 5th/ early 6th grade when I started letting her go to movies without an adult. A couple of points...we live in a small town; small theater, 3 screens...everyone knows everyone and the kids travel in packs. I would not let her go to the Multi-plex in the mall without an adult tho. Not even for a matinee, but that's just my instinct. We also have an ice rink, a large indoor one. The kids are equally happy to conglomerate there. Its affordable, very very well run, they have a snack bar and blast popular music throughout. There is even a uniformed security guard. :)


 

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:07am

I let my boys go to the movies with their friends about the same age--12-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:09am

I think on a nice winter evening, most kids at that age (and maybe a bit older) would prefer ice skating to movies.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:17am

< < < I find it best not to have a no-way/never outlook, but rather to look at each incident individually, IOW, never say never > > >


Very well said, Jane!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:28am
Why, thank you... ;)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 10:47am

Sounds like you have a great handle on things. Pairing into BF/GF is inevitable and probably occurs well before we become aware or it. Your daughter sounds delightful. Did I read that correctly that your DH was allowed to tag along to the skating rink and DD was cool with this? Fantastic!


I think at that age, when I was allowed a peek inside their activities without a flinch or a grimace (or actually ..gasp!... included!), it was a tremendous burden off my shoulders. I'd keep doing

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
In reply to: montana78
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 12:54pm

Since my kids were about 12-13 we've let them go to the movies with friends but its always been to a matinee (no later than 5 pm) and a parent is always in another theatre or a near by store.

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