Back from Christmas with MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Back from Christmas with MIL
10
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 8:01pm

We don't celebrate Christmas, but my DH was raised with Christmas, and last year he asked if we could spend Christmas with his mother. This was our second year, and for the most part it was enjoyable. My MIL is very strange - almost everything she says is either an outright lie or seems to come from a very delusional place (e.g., she sees nice dresses in a magazine and says 'I'm going to go buy a dress dummy so I can make those dresses at home' something I know will never happen). I struggle to just keep up conversation, although she talks nonstop and doesn't actually NEED anyone to respond lol. DS8, so far, seems to just accept her at face value, with little judgment, and is happy to have a Christmas tree to decorate!

DD16 is another story. She really hates people who are fake and sees MIL as always trying to be something she's not. Also, my MIL is very self-centered, every comment is about her. If I say "Leah did really well in Math and Science this semester", she'll say "I was very good at Math. I would have been an engineer if they had let women into the program" and then a long discussion of former sexism in higher ed - never coming back to HER GRANDDAUGHTER! Needless to say, this bugs DD also.

It's so stressful for me - trying to keep DS happy during boring family visiting, trying to keep DD from being openly rude (not that MIL would notice, but DH would and his feelings would be hurt). I tried to get DD to see it as funny. I tried to get DD to see it as sad for someone to be so self-centered and delusional. I tried to get the sympathy vote for DH - can you imagine being raised your whole life like this?!

ANYWAY.....all of us were very very happy to be home! We did have an excellent Christmas Eve dinner at a wonderful restaurant, we visited with some (sane) relatives, and got to go sledding on 3+ feet of snow! But our little apartment looked pretty good to everyone tonight!

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 8:28pm

I'm glad you guys made it home in one piece... I can so relate to the joys (??) of a stressful holiday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 9:34pm

OMG I wonder what is behind that type of personality eh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 10:19pm

I'm with you, Diamonds. I'm so stuffed from the past couple of days, I don't know if I'll be able to move tomorrow. But I promised my DD I'd take her and a couple of her friends to the mall. What was I thinking?? I know it will be a big shopping day here too. My real reason for going is to exchange a number of gifts that are the wrong size, color, etc. What I really need to do is to get on the treadmill!


Sue, I do understand where you're coming from with your MIL. My own mother was very much like that. It comes from a lot of insecurity. Good for you for putting up with it for your DH's sake, and helping your kids learn to be sensitive to it. I was never very good at dealing with it. :-/


ej


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 12:26am

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I'm not so good at dealing with MIL at all!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 7:57am

Hi, and welcome back...


Oh.my.God...your description of your MIL's antics is my SIL to a tee! Isn't it the worst? I'm talking about my hubby's sister, she's like a year and a half older than us. To talk to her, she's Mother Theresa, Martha Stewart and mom of the year all rolled into one. When she comes to visit us its brutal. She talks to friends and people we know. She told one she was a realtor. Not. Told another she was a chef and had gone to Johnson & Wales. Didn't. She dominates every

 

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 8:22am

Your MIL sounds so much like my own mom! And to be honest, since I've known her these 48+ years, it's really not insecurity or show-off-edness (a word?!) - I think it's just a personality type. My mom is 84, has always touted how great her schools were (never went to college due to WWII and marriage/wanting to start a family, but didn't need to, per her, as her schools were so fabulous for prep for working, etc.), how great MY education was (as if ds's here in STL isn't close/will never rate), how great Chicago is, what they have there that we don't (as if she's lived here to compare), etc. She's always going on about something, like one-upping everything - I know she's clueless that she's coming across like that, though; she's truly not a hurtful person. DH and I have learned to just let her talk, and not let it get to us, because it's SO easy to let that get under your skin. I figure we only go up a few times/year so just let her talk (she and my dad are having serious health issues; I don't want to think that I left things badly if/when something does happen), and move on. It's NOT easy and I'm NOT always good about it. But I'm trying harder.

I hear you, though; not exactly a calm way to spend the holidays. We were up Fri-Mon, now back, having gone to MIL's last night (24 in the immediate family)...they all come over tomorrow night. Then I can relax...at least til the 1st when we will inevitably see them all again...I'm ready for January!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 9:23am

SIL is, without a doubt, the favorite, the baby princess, the spoiled brat (still at 46) and MIL and FIL seem to think the rest of the world should feel the same way about her and it drives me nuts!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 9:26am

Forgot to tell you all the FUNNIEST and most telling thing from my MIL this weekend

We were out to dinner on our first night there. Someone made an offhand comment about the holidays, and she said "I can't WAIT for the holidays to be over - just too much time with FAMILY!".....while we, her only son and his wife and kids, were sitting around the table. Ya just have to laugh, which (fortunately) we all did. She tried to repair, but just dug herself in deeper, and I said "J - you just need to stop, you're digging yourself into a deeper hole!"

And she doesn't understand why none of her three sisters particularly likes her!

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 10:32am

Well, at least I don't have in-laws to deal with this time since DH's parents both died when they were under 50.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 10:33am

I bet you're glad to be home!!