What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
What do I do?
4
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 3:21pm

Hi everyone. I am new to this board and a couple other ones also. I have 2 daughters. Danielle, my oldest is 13. She is in 8th grade and a couple of years ago we went on a vacation to my parents cabin at the beach. There is this family up there that we got really close with. They have 4 kids and their oldest is 16 now.(Trey) Danielle and Trey have been friends forever and it wasnt a big deal to me and my husband that Danielle had started seeing this kid when she was 11 and he was 14. We knew him and his family very well. Trey has been hanging out with some bad kids lately. He goes to parties a lot and sneaks Danielle out of our house because we will not let her ride with him in a car. A couple of months ago Danielle started talking back and swearing and sneaking guys over more and sneaking out when we were gone. I found out and grounded her and took her cell phone away. That didint seem to help at all. Danielle called me one night from Trey's house and said that Karen(Trey's mom) were taking them to a movie. I trusted Danielle that night. Come to find out that they went to a party after making some phone calls that night and Danielle was had gotten drunk. I don't know what to do. I have a 3 year old daughter and I am almost 8 months pregnant and I really want my daughter back and i want her to be a good role model for our kids.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 4:08pm

Hi Melanie and welcome to the board.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 4:33pm

Sounds like Danielle needs to be kept on a short leash.

Much of what you speak of has nothing to do with Trey-she is sneaking out and sneaking in other boys. Focusing on Trey being the cause of this is only taking the attention away from where it needs to be-on the poor choices your dd is making

Can you move her bedroom for closer supervision? If not, she would be bunking on the floor of my room until things got under control. Sneaks out when you are out? What can you do to stop that? Is it while you are at work or when going out for an evening? She may need to go places with you that you normally wouldnt take her or you may need to find a sitter(I assume one is already in place for the younger kids)

The lying on the phone just means next time you talk to the mom, not Danielle.

They will get away with what they can. You have to be smarter than they are at every turn and that isnt easy

She is really young to be starting this already-maybe she will get it out of her system but..maybe not! HIgh school will just open more opportunities. Good Luck and be strong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 4:40pm
Good point - I missed the part about sneaking out to be with other boys - I was all over Trey in my response!


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 9:10am
Thank you very much for the advice. Since then, we have moved her to your room on the floor in a sleeping bag. We are not allowing her to go any where or do anyhting. She is