Teen wanting to go on cruise
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| Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:52am |
Hi, this is the first time I have posted anything, but I thought I would give it a try as my 17 year old daughter and I have been arguing a lot about her wanting to go on a cruise next December during Christmas break. She will turn 18 in November of 2008, still be a senoir in high school and she wants to go on a cruise with her friends. I am totally against this for several reasons. One I just dont think she is responsible enough to get on a big ship and ride off with her friends. Shes not the most responsible girl, God love her. Her room is always a mess and when I say a mess, its a mess, she never washes her own clothes, she loses stuff all the time (like her car keys), shes a procrastinator and waits til the last minute to do anything of importance (like school work), etc. Honestly I really worry that things would just go completely wrong if she went on a cruise. I know I am just worried as a mom, but the fact that she shows me little signs of being responsible in just her day to day life, how can I think she is responsible enough to go on a cruise. The cost is $520.00 to be paid by the end of july. Thing about that is, she works now but barely works enough to cover gas money for all her driving around she does and is always asking for more gas money anyway, now all of a sudden she thinks shell be able to come up with money for this cruise and spending money. She says to me " I will be 18", and I tried to explain to her that shes still in high school, she still lives under my roof, which means she still has to follow my rules. Dont get me worng other than the fact she isnt that level headed and responsible with certain things, she is a good girl, very active in church, has good friends, never been in trouble, never had sex, done drugs or even drank, and yes I can say that its all true and I am certain of it, I am notbeing nieve. Still I just dont think its a good idea for her to be going on a cruise a month after turning 18, besides the fact it just worries me to death, I just dont think these kids need to be leaving the country without any aldult supervision. Being 18 shouldnt make you an adult, your maturity level should. So anyone have any advice for me??? I just need to hear what others may think. Its a year off, maybe shell have changed alot by then with her maturity and responsibility level, but I dont think so. Any advice would be great.

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I'm not sure what age kids have to be before parents stop seeing them as kids - my two oldest are 23, one of them married, and in my head they're still marginally responsible kids!
Sounds like a good girl. I guess you'd have to consider how long the cruise is and where it's to? And do your research....maybe you'd like to say yes, just need her to help you come to terms?? Find out who the chaperones are and talk to them. I did this even for field trips that I could not go on. I'd ask one chaperone who I felt okay with to *keep an eye out* and then I'd reciprocate. Are there chaperones? Is it school sanctioned or just a trip for your DD and some close friends?
I would say no. For me. But I've always believed that the big things shouldn't come easy or too soon. A cruise, cheap as
You worked out a good compromise there...glad it worked out...
When I was 18, I had never been anywhere...altho I moved out of the house at 17 and lived about 4 hours away...anyways,
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FWIW, I wouldn't let her go if I was that uncomfortable about it. I'm a big believer in following your gut as a parent, and it sounds like you have a lot of doubts. Even though she's going to be 18, she will still be a high school student, and to go with a bunch of her friends and no adult supervision sounds a little foolhardy to me. Perhaps you could compromise and say that she can go after her high school graduation, assuming she can save up the money? And I say this as someone who went on a trip to Spain by myself when I was 18! I was also a very mature, responsible teenager, and I was going into my junior year in college at the time, so that is a big difference. I went on a group tour and was surrounded by adults & families, so it wasn't exactly a wild time either, LOL!
Not enough chaperones, by any means, tho...
I don't know enough about it to say. But I've seen how our high school marching band chaperones trips. They really seem to know what they're doing and have the system down pat. They are all over those kids (within reason, of course), and they're a very disciplined group to begin with. I sent my DD to Florida with them last December with very few qualms. However, I doubt I'd send my kids out of the country without DH or myself along even with that level of supervision.
My cousin was head of the music dept. in her school and also led the marching band and went on many trips. They are very disciplined, and that's not really a vacation, I think most of their time is accounted for.
Re: Natalee Holloway, I believe there were over 100 students and only 7 chaperones. Impossible mission if you ask me. Such a sad and scary story.
IMHO, keeping one's room clean is not a sign of immaturity. 40s don't keep a neat house. Letting things go till the last minute is not a sign of immaturity either. The world is full of adults that do that.
If she has the money to pay for the cruise and she is earned the money herself, you can not say much about it. To expect adult supervision for 18 year olds will not happen. However, if you are supporting her and you don't have the money or her going means that you have to pay for her extras (her gas ....) then you have every right to tell her "not on my coin". You can use the ploy that she has to earn the money for the trip, all the money, while still paying for her gas, entertainment and what other items you expect her to pay for now. No advance from Mom or Dad to pay for the ticket. That might help to dampen her plans.
I would be a bit nervous about young pretty women going on cruises, even if they are in the mid 20s or older. There has been incidents and if the cruise ship is in international waters, there is very little recourse.
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