No Lying - Ever!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
No Lying - Ever!
20
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:52pm

With all of this New Years Eve drama from last night, (mine included) do we really expect our teens to never lie to us? Did you really never lie to your parents? Do you think Mother Theresa or Ghandi never lied to their parents? I’m writing this as a catharsis for my benefit more than anyone else. Maybe I’ll convince myself....or better yet you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:58pm

Well, Daddioe, my situation is probably different than most others. My DS for some reason lies about just about anything. It's hard to know what's true and what isn't--usually it's some combination of both. He doesn't do it to cover up "bad" things he's done. It's just maddening because even though he's only 13 now, I want to be able to trust him and give him more and more leeway as he gets further into the teen years. But it's hard when you know that he habitually makes stuff up.


That said, and this is very weird, but I probably trust him as much, if not more, than my DD16. He is very mature for his age, and has shown that he usually makes good decisions. I guess the bottom line is that actions speak louder than words!


I honestly don't think I ever lied to my parents as a teen! Then again, I didn't have much to hide. And now that I look back, I can't believe that they unquestioningly let me do all of the things they let me do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 4:23pm

We realistically can't expect 100% truthfullness. But at the same time, we have to make it so they aren't afraid to tell us the truth. I'd much rather tell my kid if he finds himself in a drinking situation (for ex.) and partakes...that he can call me to come and get him....I won't say there won't be consequences. But I won't go ballistic. I'd rather have my child alive and well and home, then taking that one mistake and compounding it into something even more dangerous. The consequence would be perhaps not being allowed to go to the next party or outing or whatever it is. We have to have our eyes wide open and realize that, yes, anything is possible and no kid is above trying the beer or the weed or whatever it is. Worse than a kid lying to us are parents who lie to themselves...


There are no perfect kids or perfect parents. It's all in how we deal with what gets thrown at us. Taking responsibility. I'm sure we all know holier than thou parents. You know, when its never their kid's fault. Humbug.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 4:44pm

lol.. Sounds more irritating than problematic.


He loves to embellish. Probably a bit of normal

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 4:49pm

Great post. I think I just need some grounding. It's all a great deal of using common sense.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 4:59pm

Course I was just talking generalizations...


I didn't lie much as a kid. I had a strict stepmother, and frankly, I was scared! As a result, I grew up to be a lousy liar. I'm an open book.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 5:04pm

kids start testing the water at 6 trust me i have twins that are 7, i think they do that so they do not get into trouble or they want something. middel school kids, well all i can say is they are in a legal of there own. i have to say my 19 year old daughter

shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 7:21pm

Good post Daddioe and I am right there with you obviously.


Here is what I have always tried to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 8:26pm

I think if we are all being honest with ourselves (*natch*) we all lie from time to time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 9:36pm


No one, no one tells the truth all the time. There are many times that the truth can be harmful and well, is relative. Should I tell my neighbor that she is "fat slob who drives me crasy" or should I keep that "truth" to myself.

Instead of demanding or expecting kids to tell us the truth, it is probably better that we are open to our kids and make it clear to them that we are here for them, when they need us.
There should be a list of deal breakers (to borrow a Dr. Phil saying). "Where you are going" and "who are going with" are two I can think of should be on that list. But, I think we should also be careful that we don't "micro manage" our kids. We don't need to know everything, only the important things. We also should not assume automatically that the kids are messing up. Sometimes you have to trust that you have a done a good job.

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 10:10pm

This is a great thread. I think I need to print some of this off for Dave to read.

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