We've been on the road for a week and I haven't been keeping up with the posts here, so I'm not sure what your dd did that called for all the grounding. But I'll tell you we have gone overboard in punishing both of our DSs at one point or another, and we did end up removing some of the punishment when they showed remorse, a good attitude or good behavior.
I think they know that when we superground them we're just supermad, and that they'll likely be ungrounded to some degree. And I don't think they think that, just because we eased up, they can get away with repeatedly doing the same bad things.
I think it's okay to give her back a little at a time in accordance with her good behavior. If she doesn't get the positive feedback from you - it will always be about you against her and her feeling persecuted and beaten down.
And as Rose mentioned, what will you do when the bigger stuff starts happening?
Also, your dd needs to be able to let her feelings out in a healthy manner in a safe setting. That doesn't mean you let her verbally abuse you, but she should be able to speak her mind and get her feelings out - teach her to voice her emotions in a healthy way (I know, easier said than done).
After the dust has settled, give her a journal so she can use it to vent and write things down that are not appropriate to say. Discuss with her that it's okay to feel anger and to let it out, but she must learn to do so in a respectful and healthy way; not by simply lashing out at you and saying rotten things.
You know, my dds' have each had a turn telling me at one point that they hate me or that I suck or whatever. I didn't care about that - those words roll off easily because I know how that feels. I've even said back to them at times in my own fit of anger, "Yeah, well I don't like you very much right now either" - well, that stopped them in their tracks. I drew the line at derogatory terms such as B!tch, etc.
K, you need to create a way of looking at things a little more subjectively. Create Basket A issues, Basket B issues and Basket C issues. Prioritizing any incidents or issues that come up with dd will help you guage your own reaction. She's never going to be the little girl you were able to control or soothe
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We've been on the road for a week and I haven't been keeping up with the posts here, so I'm not sure what your dd did that called for all the grounding. But I'll tell you we have gone overboard in punishing both of our DSs at one point or another, and we did end up removing some of the punishment when they showed remorse, a good attitude or good behavior.
I think they know that when we superground them we're just supermad, and that they'll likely be ungrounded to some degree. And I don't think they think that, just because we eased up, they can get away with repeatedly doing the same bad things.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
dfghjk
Edited 2/19/2008 5:37 pm ET by kel7col4
Kim, I know you've had some major frustrations with your dd.
I tend to agree with you Mitzi.
dfghj
Edited 2/19/2008 5:37 pm ET by kel7col4
You know its all well and good for your dh's family to try to tell you how to deal with this situation.
I aree with Mitzi and Rose as well.
I think it's okay to give her back a little at a time in accordance with her good behavior. If she doesn't get the positive feedback from you - it will always be about you against her and her feeling persecuted and beaten down.
And as Rose mentioned, what will you do when the bigger stuff starts happening?
Also, your dd needs to be able to let her feelings out in a healthy manner in a safe setting. That doesn't mean you let her verbally abuse you, but she should be able to speak her mind and get her feelings out - teach her to voice her emotions in a healthy way (I know, easier said than done).
After the dust has settled, give her a journal so she can use it to vent and write things down that are not appropriate to say. Discuss with her that it's okay to feel anger and to let it out, but she must learn to do so in a respectful and healthy way; not by simply lashing out at you and saying rotten things.
You know, my dds' have each had a turn telling me at one point that they hate me or that I suck or whatever. I didn't care about that - those words roll off easily because I know how that feels. I've even said back to them at times in my own fit of anger, "Yeah, well I don't like you very much right now either" - well, that stopped them in their tracks. I drew the line at derogatory terms such as B!tch, etc.
K, you need to create a way of looking at things a little more subjectively. Create Basket A issues, Basket B issues and Basket C issues. Prioritizing any incidents or issues that come up with dd will help you guage your own reaction. She's never going to be the little girl you were able to control or soothe
We don't give arbitrary punishments in our home, if we take away a privlege it's because he violated the rules
dfghjk
Edited 2/19/2008 5:38 pm ET by kel7col4
Hey Kim,
I really am sorry that all of this is going on with you guys.
I think if it were me and I had taken all of those things away.
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