son's friends deserted him

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
son's friends deserted him
13
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 8:45pm

I've been a lurker here for about 5 months now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 9:33pm

I empathize with you. Our younger DS went through a period like that in 7th/8th/9th grade, and it's hard to watch our kids sit home when we know their classmates are out having fun.

Does your DS have any activities to keep him busy, like sports, drama, debate, music, a church youth group, etc? That can help a lot to give him a sense of belonging when his old friends exclude him for whatever reason. My DS's soccer kept him busy, and even though he and his teammates rarely socialized outside of practice/games, the soccer time was enough to keep him satisfied. In my son's case, his old friends simply had different interests and they found new friends who shared those interests--it wasn't that they didn't like him anymore. My DS was shy, and didn't easily make new friends. It could be the same with your DS--he shouldn't feel that just because he's a little different there's something wrong with him. Eventually he'll find some new friends, it just might take a while.

My DS had a friend whom he and others sometimes tended to exclude, too. That boy was very reserved and even more shy than my DS. He was every mother's dream son but not popular among his classmates. His jr/sr year he found a nice girl and he ended up getting a baseball scholarship to a small college. Everything worked out fine in the end, although he probably endured some lonely times for a teen at 14/15/16. Gentle parental support, although it does not always seem like they want it, is important in helping our kids through those times.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 9:42pm

I agree to get your son involved with activities outside of school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 10:15pm

Thanks for the replies, jenny and janetlz.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:43am

Other than having him involved in activities that he enjoys, I wouldn't push the friend issue a whole lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:50am

Hi

Is your son upset about this, or is it mostly you? He may be fine with how things are right now, and when he wants more friends he'll be ready to try new things.

My DH was on his HS golf team, and liked the combination of being part of a team, but also having sort of a solo activity. Even now he has one or two friends, but is not that into having groups of friends.

If your son is OK with how things are now, I'd relax a bit. When he gets concerned, he'll be receptive to your input more.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 9:42am

1)He has always had 2 good friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 9:43am

You know what, it sounds to me like he'll be fine. He already has an array of interests. Eventually kids realize that Band is not for nerds and that a lot of their heroes are actually musicians. Seems like he just needs a little confidence booster. A part time job. Some problem solving. Acts of independence. Sometimes something as simple as making and keeping a hair appt. *all by themselves* can be empowering. Perhaps that group of old friends is into things he is hesitant about? And the video games, all pretty normal, for girls and boys. The other kids are not always out having fun ...


Bless your heart,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 10:20am

He also is heavily involved with band.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 12:35pm
I'm sorry that you feel your ds is being deserted.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 6:11pm

Thanks to everyone for your responses.

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