"they're going to drink anyway"
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| Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:36am |
Yesterday, a co-worker (K) was talking about her DD17s NYE - where they were supposed to be, how she called about going to a party in the next town, and (finally) how they planned to call a cab to come home because they would have been drinking, at someone else's house. There was a heated discussion in our office about adults allowing teens to drink in their home. One co-worker in her 60s was shocked, another co-worker whose kids are still young was surprised and scared a little for the future. I tried to stay out of most of the discussion. I don't know what to think. So far I've been lucky that DD has done little, if any, drinking. There have been a handful of situations in which there could have been drinking that she won't confess to, but otherwise I"m pretty sure it's not a big issue for her.
My friend, K, said "they're going to drink anyway, I'd rather know they're at someone's house and not driving". To me that sounds like abdicating responsibility, but she feels it's just being realistic.
Am I totally stupid and naive? Or just f-ing lucky? I think my DD knows that DH and I feel strongly against teen drinking, so if she were going to lie about something, I think that would be it.
So where do you stand? "They're going to drink anyway, so let's keep it safe" or "We should not facilitate teen drinking"?


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You have to navigate that gray area in between *they're going to drink anyway* and facilitating it. Yes, most kids will drink at one time or another. And if they really don't want us to find out, well, we won't. I have caught the guys drinking here. DH would take away all the booze, of course and make them all spend the night. Now that they are older, whether they are drinking or not, if they gather here, I require they sleep here. I don't allow it. Certainly won't *facilitate* it. But I would rather admit that I am a failure on this one night and have all the kids wake up alive and well the next day, then simply say *not at my house*. On one particular evening last summer, they were at another boys house,
I'm with you. The problem with that logic is that it condones over drinking.
Yes, kids do drink but do you want them to drink at home AND then drink some more elsewhere.
Sounds like a lot of drinking.
Also, if the kids are drinking underage is sends a very dangerous message. Laws of a land are not suggestions that you pick and chose what to obey. Granted, there are unjust laws for which civil disobedience is called for. But even those laws there is a price to be paid. So,
you better be very sure that the laws are truly unjust. Drinking age laws do not fall in that category.
In a democratic country, we elect our peers to pass laws in our names. By disregarding a law (just because it is not convenient), you are sending the message that you do not believe in the democratic process.
Too many parents take the easy road. My kid drinks already so what the h***. However, alcohol can have terrible effect on growing bodies and brains. Many kids are not developmental able to not get addicted to it and/or handle alcohol. An occasional glass of wine with dinner is not a big deal but drinking for the sake of drinking is not a habit we should encourage, at such a young age.
Being raised in an Italian immigrant family I was raised with a very different attitude towards drinking.
We should not facilitate teen drinking. I would add 'in excess' to that statement. As soon as parents take the car keys, it's like telling the kids, "Go ahead, drink to get drunk--you're not driving." I also think that we should not allow any group teen drinking, but that offering an older teen and one friend a drink with/before dinner at home with adults is okay.
It's true kids will drink anyway, but I think when there are adults around who condone/ignore it, those kids will think they can drink more. If every teen knew he'd get in trouble if ANY adult found him drinking to excess, I think they'd all be more careful to control the amount they drink.
I know my DS18 drinks at college. During break so far he had one beer here at home. When we were out to eat over the holidays and we each had a drink before dinner, I asked if he wanted one and ordered it for him. (In WI that's legal.) But, when I found out that he had a six-pack (not his abs) on New Year's Eve, I was not happy and let him know it. They had a designated driver, and around 1 a.m. the guys drove to a girl's home where they spent the night. I wish that girl's parents would have sent the guys home.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
"As soon as parents take the car keys, it's like telling the kids, "Go ahead, drink to get drunk--you're not driving." "
As a parent who has taken the keys away, whether or not it was necessary, I have to say that's a chance I'm just not willing to take.
I think there are kids who don't drink but I think, actually I know, there are many kids who drink whose parents are 100% sure they do not.
DS2's best friend M had his gallbladder removed a few months back. The doctor, in the presence of his mom, told him it was likely due to early drinking. Mom was totally freaked out. Most of me felt sorry for her but another part was going 'how did you not know?'
Once I knew with clarity that if DS2 attended a party, he would likely be drinking, my focus became his safety. 'If you drink, spend the night or call me'
I wouldnt provide the alcohol for a party if all the kids were underage.
To me, I see a line. Maybe because I have BTDT this just isnt blurry for me.
And, like the OP, most of this was 17 or older for DS. It would be different if he was younger but then it really isnt a ? until there is driving involved
I am kind of in the middle on this one.
I would never buy my kids alcohol, I don't care what the occasion. In fact, DS asked me on NYE...I dunno, maybe he thought he'd get lucky and catch me in a weak moment, but I made it clear that for all I tolerate, that will not happen. In our county and surrounding ones they are cracking down on the homeowner whether or not they provided the alcohol. There is one case in particular where they may prosecute the parents where kids got drunk and some of them were in an accident. They say they had no idea...
My son and his friends like to drink beer. I know it. The other parents know it. We have been open with each other since the 2nd grade (the parents) and are all on the same page. Take.the.keys.away. I am lucky that I love my sons circle of friends. They are respectful and none of them has even given me the slightest grief. And I always have food. Preferably something hot bubbling on the stove, my son says I have the busiest kitchen in town.
Drinking for the sake of drinking is something we shouldn't encourage at ANY age - and unfortunately it seems there are plenty of adults who do just that.
I think it is not only irresponsible, but very presumptuous, for any adult to
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