The DSD situation is driving me crazy
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The DSD situation is driving me crazy
| Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:00pm |
To recap, DSD (17) moved out of our house to live w/ her grandma in Nov. because of a bad relationship w/ dad.

It's sad to hear that your DSD's grandma is not assuming the guardian responsibilities. I really feel your DSD must be hurting terribly with all the rejection, even though I know she's been a difficult child. I do hope she and your DH are still going for their separate counseling.
Hugs to you...all that tension in the air can wear us out.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I know this has been a thorn in your side for quite some time now. I hate to say its one of those things that just maybe you need to just let go of and let them work it out...or not.
I hate to say it, but the S.S. for your stepdaughter should go to grandma. When I moved out, my father gave me the money. I got it as long as I stayed in school. I lived with my grandma for a while too and she was wonderful, best move I ever made. But Daddy still got the write off.
Obviously, you have no say in anything related to dsd at all anymore. And unfortunately, you have to listen to him vent about it. Ugh - what a horrible situation.
I had mentioned recently on another board that I am so tired of hearing my H vent to me about his difficult work situation - of his own making and it was suggested to me that when my H is ranting or venting about the "same thing different day" stuff I should time him and after 20 minutes is up, change the subject, go to the bathroom - do whatever I need to do to get away from the venting. It's reasonable for H to vent to you, however, since you're stuck between a rock and hard place, and part of this situation IS H's fault, 20 minutes is fair to me. So far it's working for me. I have to say, even H doesn't realize that I'm detaching after the 20 min is up.
Honestly, GM should get the money no question if dsd is living with her. However, I think that H and GM have to have a sit down and go over what's fair and reasonable in regards to how much money dsd should have and designate whether it will go towards her insurance, household bills, food, etc. IMO, $1000 stipend in SS for GM is plenty. Dsd is probably out most of the time and with being out and school, how much in utilities is she really using. I would even say that at least 20% of the money each month should go into a separate emergency fund for dsd - just in case. Is there any way H and GM could put their differences aside and sit down to discuss this at all? I do not think that dsd should have full access to those funds at this time. She is not responsible and probably can run rings around GM!!
In regards to the college situation, it was my understanding that as long as she stayed in school, the SS checks would keep on coming and she would be eligible for all sorts of financial aid if she's receiving SS checks. And if she chooses not to attend college, then she will not receive the checks after her HS graduation, at least that's what happened in my exh's family after his dad died. And his mother took all the kids' money besides. The only one who got her own check was the one sil who attended college till she was 22. The rest of exh and his siblings saw nothing past 18/HS graduation. And the sil who went to college didn't pay one cent - SS covered the whole thing! That was a long time ago though.
This only all went down in November - I think it's a bit too early, considering all that's occurred, for any reconciliations. Best of luck and hugs - sending support~
The SS stops when she turns 18 or graduates from h.s. (which is the same since she turns 18 on June 1).