The good and the bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
The good and the bad
20
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 9:29pm

Ok,


So I haven't posted much about Max's new GF cause ANYTHING was going to be better than his ex LOL


She is a sweet girl but is only 14 and she kinda fell for Max and her mother sorta facilitated it....I was glad he had a distraction because he met new GF within about two weeks of his break up with the old GF and was still hurting and a bit mad at us.


It has gone pretty slowly, but the other mother just loves Max and she and her DH weren't even going to let their daughter date till she was 16, but then they thought that they would rather have her first boyfriend be someone like Max so that her standard would be set high (their words not mine)


Because they have alot of rules placed on the kids she started calling me very early on. (before the kids were officially "going out"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 9:41pm

This mother doesn't seem to have much sense to even say something like that to you in the first place. I think you should just give her a very brief reply like "oh really?" and change the subject. I agree. You shouldn't get into it with her. I understand what you're saying about not liking the fact that you have to police them more than you otherwise would. If Max were dating a girl who was a bit older, her parents wouldn't be hovering over them quite so much and requiring so much of your time. Well, as you say, these relationships don't tend to last all that long, so try not to let this woman get to you!


ej


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 11:18pm

I'd say my son's GFs have a lot of say in their personal appearance. And....for DS1, that has been a good thing. She even got him in a pair of those cute plaid shorts last summer(Mr jeans and a dark Tshirt himself)

The girls are also very vocal on the hair-when it is too short, too long, like the beard, lose the mustache. The boys dont usually comply-they are more likely to take the clothing advice than the hair advice, I find

I guess what I am saying is that the GF being 'into' how he wears his hair is pretty normal. Perhaps the mom is pointing out that this must be a 'real' relationship and 'isnt it cute' in a conversational sort of way.

I would not have hesitated to say his hair needed to be this way for his head shots. First of all, that is soooo cool! I 'know' someone who is getting head shots! Secondly, it is a fact, not an excuse cause you don't need to make excuses

Is this the mom's first dating child or dating girl? Im wondering if that makes a difference in how involved someone gets in all this

I understand what you are saying about the age difference. It would be a pain. And I admit to having had some shamefully sexist feelings about these things over the years as in 'if the girls parents dont care, why should I?' Then I feel guilty for seemingly absolving the boys.

Oh, well, you'll figure THAT one out when Gracie starts dating ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 12:22am

It sounds exhausting to talk to this mom so much - nothing worse than a mom trying so hard to push a teenage romance.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 8:29am

Sorry you've ended up dealing with the mom as well as the g/f.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:21am

Julie

I would tell this woman that I don't get in between my dd and any of her friends - that's for them to work out. For example, when Alice just *didn't show up* at Leah's party, I would never think of calling her mom about it! Arranging when and where Max and GF can meet, is one thing - commenting on their relationship is beyond the boundaries.

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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Avatar for imomtojd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:29am

I would try to limit the interaction with her parents as much as possible or it could get out of hand.

"but the other mother just loves Max and she and her DH weren't even going to let their daughter date till she was 16, but then they thought that they would rather have her first boyfriend be someone like Max so that her standard would be set high (their words not mine)"

This is what worries me the most because it's the same type situation we're in. I think Grandma (mom) is very happy gf is dating ds, and is perhaps overly supportive of their relationship. Sometimes I wish she didn't like DS so she could put this in perspective. Everyone keeps on saying this will fizzle out, but it keeps on chugging along. The only really good thing about our situation is that DS has learned so much about handling his life and responsibilities, and we're very proud of his decisions lately.

Good luck and many hugs.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 4:30pm

Thanks guys :)


I am "over it" today :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 2:18pm

Once again, what a great son you have! (Can I be his cyber-aunt, too?)


Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 3:39pm

(Can I be his cyber-aunt, too?)


Of coarse you can Amelia *grin*

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 6:28pm

First of all Julie, I love the new pictures of the kids. It really shows the resemblance between Max and Jake. And what a sweet picture of Gracie.


As for the original post: As a mother of a teen age girl, I think this mom is way over the top. I would never think of calling my dd's bf's mom and discussing their relationship. I think it is up to the kids to make arrangements and handle their relationship. If there are rules and restrictions that they have for their dd they need to let the kids know about them and they need to follow those rules. If you have rules they need to follow yours too. It is up to them to take care of what needs to be taken care of, it isn't yours. At least not to the point that she is taking it. Yes, you should support their rules, like if they don't want her alone with him at your house, which I am sure you agree with, you need to support that rule. But you don't need to be discussing every aspect of the relationship, how he does his hair or anything else about him.


It sounds like this mom is a bit more into the dd's relationship than is healthy. She needs to learn some boundries.

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