13yr old girl: mom and dad vs daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
13yr old girl: mom and dad vs daughter
9
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 10:30am

I know I posted here earlier, then we lost power here at work.. so when I went back to look and see if the post actually made it... I don't see it lol so I am going to repost.


I have a 13yr old daughter and 12yr old son in the house. My daughter is the one we are having the most problems with. About mid year last year her grades went down big time... she began not to care about school or anything else that was going on around her. She began out act out, tell us we hated her, she hated us, that she was just going to run away and move out and such. That this girl kristy would take her in because her parents loved her more. School time came around and she told us she hated school she wasnt going to do well she didnt care and it went on and on. Midterm came around she wasn't doing to bad, but she could be doing ALOT better. So we told her so, took away the computer and tv and phone.. she couldnt go out with any friends until her grades went up. Well they haven't went up, they have went down. She failed every single class execpt art and gym. Its the same this term, shes now on academic probation as well. She still doesn't care, she still doest do her work, she doesnt clean her room, she doesnt help out around the house.. she tells us its our fault. We are at our whits end right now... the only thing I think we can do is just to let her fail and learn on her own. But as a parent I dont want to let her fail.... you know what I mean?


Please does anyone have any thoughts suggestions? Miltiary school lol


Kris

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

http://denkersphotography.org

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present." http://denkersphotography.org
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 11:00am

Have you taken her to see a counsellor to see if there are any other issues causing this new behavior?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 11:12am

This is a tricky situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 11:22am

We have tried the positive way... she wanted to volunteer at a horse rescue farm. I told her if that is what she wanted to do, we will do the research find a place, contact them... you get your grades up and then we can move forward and you can volunteer. So we sat one afternoon searched contacted people and they got back to us, expected her to start already and here we sit. She is still failing, its like nothing matters to her anymore.


I have been in constant contact with school and the counselor there.. who told me this morning Mieke is avoiding her and when she does see her its always everything is fine. Well no its not fine... its almost like someone is feeding her infomation... you go there and you arent a good friend there is something wrong with you... you know what I mean?


"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present." http://denkersphotography.org
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 11:32am

Thanks Joy.


Yes that is the problem isn't it... finding out what it is and letting her deal with it. The teachers at school say she isnt disruptive in class, but shes just there. I think thats just as bad too lol Her science teacher is always emailing me, she didnt hand in this or that... she just doesn't do anything. She doesnt bring hom her books, nothing. I am afraid I am just going to have to let her make the decision on her own and is she fails, there isnt much I can do about it.


What are your opinions on changing schools? I think it can be a good thing and a bad thing, because she is just going to act out more so I think in the new school.

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

http://denkersphotography.org

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present." http://denkersphotography.org
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 2:52pm

Welcome to 13!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 2:15pm

Grand... NO lol I hope we both make it through these years. I have spoken to the school counselor and my daughter is avoiding her like the plague (thats her words not mine lol) I have also contacted another outside counselor that helped my son a few years ago.

Arm pit it putting it nicely don't you think lol... When does this end is what I want to know so I can have a count down lol

Kris

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

http://denkersphotography.org

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present." http://denkersphotography.org
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 2:19pm

When does it end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 2:24pm

So 2 more years then.. sigh thats a LONG time. There are days when we are fine, and then its like she snaps and I am evil. I have to ask, what did I do wrong lol. I guess just being alive some days is enough to be evil or something... I swear I didn't give my mother this much trouble. But then again teens in this day in age have so much more to deal with then we did I think.

Kris

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

http://denkersphotography.org

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That's why we call it the present." http://denkersphotography.org
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 5:21pm

Did you take her to her PCP and have her tested for drugs? Please don't say "I know she's not on drugs". The only way you can be 100% sure is to have her tested. This is why i say this.


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