Treading carefully

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Treading carefully
15
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 10:41am

dfghjk




Edited 2/19/2008 6:23 pm ET by kel7col4



Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:45am


I wish I had some concrete advice.

My first reaction is "what does a 19 year old have in common with a 15 year old!".
Those four years make a very big difference in life experience at that age. Your daughter might think it is neat but,well, something is strange here. Sure, her friends think it is great. They would, wouldn't they? They are just kids, after all.

I would be very suspicious. I would, the next time, he is over have frank conversation with this young man. Talk to him as the adult he is. Platonic? Why would a 19 year old young man be interested in a platonic relationship with a 15 year old girl, unless that relationship was based on some shared activity (i.e. helping a junior member of a karate team or something like that). Why isn't he friends with young women closer to his age (like already out of school)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 11:48am
That is a tough one.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 12:16pm


I hope you are not insulted but I do find it strange that a high school senior would date a 15 year old. It doesn't happen that at my kids' high school. The seniors are too into being seniors to go out with girls in Grade 9 or 10. There are too many things going on in their lives (university applications, looking for summer jobs, grad preparations....) that a girl in Grade 9 or 10 could not understand or relate too.

Of course, it might be happening in the other high schools but my kids went to a special high school. The kids tended to "stick together" and date within their grade level. There could be an age difference (i.e. kids that skipped a grade) but they were all at the same place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 1:00pm

"She says she's not interested in having another boyfriend right now, yet all of her friends are going ballistic and want her with this guy."


This is the part I don't get. What is with these friends? If they are true friends, would they push her into something she isn't sure about? Would they push her into another relationship so soon after the last one? Sounds like a good opportunity for her to learn to listen to her own instincts and stand up to her friends.


I really like Pam's idea of telling the boy that he'll have to follow 15-year-old rules if he wants to date DD. I can see him getting tired of that very quickly!


ej


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 1:43pm

I hope you didn't misunderstand my previous post - I certainly didn't mean to "beat you up" - I was tired when I posted, so maybe it came out terser than I meant. But, I forget to tell you I'm in awe of you raising kids (especially a teen) without your DH there all the time. Sometimes my DH is not tuned in to all the teen drama, but he definitely helps keep things in balance. Second, it sounds like your DD is going through a really tough time - staying calm and even is a hard task. It sounds like you are doing the best you can - walking a thin line between supporting her and keeping her safe.

Hang in there!!

((HUGS))

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 2:30pm

DD is a sophomore, right? I think this is just fine.


She has been in a long term committed relationship for quite some time. I don't know how far she has gone and I don't care but she isn't inexperienced or naive-we aren't talking first date or first kiss anymore.


She will be fine!


Just keep helping her remember she doesnt have to be in a relationship to be whole!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 2:33pm
I agree that there can be a lot of difference emotionally between a freshman and senior.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 2:55pm


You're describing my senior as well - it's really sad but around here many of the senior girls have already been in multiple relationships (of a sexual nature),

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 3:04pm

"My first reaction is "what does a 19 year old have in common with a 15 year old!".

15 and 19 are really not all that different. They may be at different stages in life as far as school goes but they grew up in the same time period.

My first BF was 19 when I was 14. We had lots in common the same as if I was dating someone that was 15. Now we are happily married.

We also were together 2 years before we had sex. That is much longer than most adults wait!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sat, 01-12-2008 - 4:46pm


From what you have posted about, your son does sound like a very sweet young man.

My DS is a straight arrow as well. He doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs. He is not into parties at all,except if is a party to watch his beloved hockey team win the Stanley Cup! And girls, he has expressed no interest in dating. Now, if the girl had her own 6GB system and was into C++, it might be a different story. But, so far, he had said that the girls at school giggle too much.

He has applied to 7 universities; the deadline is today. His two "top picks" only release their acceptances in April. He has till May to decide.

Pages