please read...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
please read...
13
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 7:53am

...and then offer up any thoughts. I'm going to try to condense the story as much as I can. This is re: DS-18's best friend, since the 2nd grade. I'll call him Baby Huey. If you saw him, you'd get it. He has a pretty lousy family backround.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 9:17am

One thing you might consider when you're thinking about how much you want to help this young man is to talk to your DS and see how he feels about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 9:55am
Thanks for your response, right now I couldn't help him financially even if I were so inclined...I'm starting to worry that he may try to harm himself, especially if he ends up with any kind of jail sentence. I'm pondering calling one of his parents and wondering with which one I will be met with the least hostility. Or maybe I should come right out and ask him if he has such thoughts?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 9:57am

you are a great person, rich and i took in a girl last year. her parents were devorced and her mom had a new boyfriend, they kicked her out. now rich and i are boh on disablity and have 5 kids (the twins were a surprise) she was here for a year. not a dime from either parent no a call or thank you. i got her a job i got her into school.

shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 10:27am
Thank you for sharing your story...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 12:18pm

There are services out there for these situations. This is why the judge made the referrals.

What you can do is to be sure he follows through-give him a ride if necessary-get him an appointmentt book and literally write them in for him. Remind him. From what I see with my job, people in crisis fall apart at the littlest difficulty. They miss a bus and rather than take the next one, they blow off the whole appointment. Next thing you know they have had three no shows and are booted out of the program. Transportation and scheduling(remembering)are huge!!!!!

If he keeps these appointments, the experts can help get him on track. Ultimately, as always, it is up to him.

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 2:57pm

kids can go either way, if they have someone to count on and no that someone will help it makes all the differance in the world. some kids well, it takes longer or they just give up. my daughter does not live at home she has had a rough year but now she is living with a good friend and her mother. she is thriving now. sometimes it takes someone other then the parent to really help. i have 3 young ones at home and i just could not have the drama but i know she is safe now and in good hands. but the bottom line is they want to help themselfs and some kids just do not know how or have the guidence they really need. you have a good heart. we need more adults to take time for our kids and it is sad when he parents do not care.


shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:42pm

The judge hasn't actually made any referrals...he went for his court appearance, which was cancelled, but the judge was there and she told him to get into rehab. We took that as some unofficial advice. I'm wondering now if he will actually need a referral to get these services. He knows I am her for him as is my son and husband. I'm just looking for motivational pointers..


Thanks for the heads up as to the 3 strikes rule, and I will get him that appt. book.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 3:44pm
Shannon, I'm glad you are at peace with your DD's situation. Thanks again for your response, I appreciate the sympathetic ear, I'm running strictly on emotion right now which is why I'm asking for some sensible advice.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 4:10pm

The court may have a social worker. You could call and ask. She doesnt have to be familiar with the boy-if you tell her his needs, she can likely tell you where to go next

If not, call around. Dont worry too much about only calling the exact program for his need. Social work is a network. The person on the phone will gladly tell you that this isn't what THEY do but please call 123-4567 and they will be able to help.

I did not grow up using social services. When I got involved in the field, I was amazed at what is available and that has been true in both areas I have lived.

You might even be able to google 'social services' and the name of your county and have a HELP book come up.

This way you are not shouldering it all alone. You can be more of a personal coach!

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
In reply to: themamas
Sun, 01-13-2008 - 4:17pm
Thanks! Google-ing right now!

 

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