Newbie! Think I'll be here often... ugh

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Newbie! Think I'll be here often... ugh
8
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:07pm

Hello all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:25pm

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time.

Just a suggestion..
Instead of telling your son that he has to move on, acknowledge to your son that you understand how hard it is to move on. Your son is grieving for his friends, for his past life. That is normal. He is expressing his anger and his sense of lack of control the only way he knows. Did your ex-boyfriend do the same..

Sit down with him and tell him the truth. You are having a hard time too. But what is important that you three are together and things will get better. You understand how hard it is but you need him to help.
He is a young man now. You need to know that he and his brother are OK while you are out looking for work. If not, he will have to stay with relatives while you are out.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:55pm

We moved from SoCal to Northern Colorado this past July, so that makes it six months now since we moved.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 10:51pm

Quite a move - California to Wisconsin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 11:25pm

Sorry things didn't work out for you in CA. But hey, WI is a good state, too. (I was born in Manitowoc and went to college in Milwaukee--still love that city.) And your $ will surely go a lot farther in WI.

Karate is a self-esteem/confidence booster and should be great for your son. In the meantime, can you talk to the guidance counselors at school and see if there's some after-school activity they can do until the karate starts? If you could get one of them involved, at least you wouldn't have to worry about their fighting at home. You could also try contacting the PTA president, who might know of an activity or who has helped other newcomers adjust. (A middle school PTA parent would probably be more helpful than a HS parent, in that respect.)

I know all about the guilt feelings. In fall I moved from MI to VA, and our younger son, now 18, just started college in MI. Even at that age I think he had a hard time with our moving. DH began working here in VA 16 months ahead of my move, and that wasn't the best, either. It was a very rocky, senior year for our DS; and for me.

Things will get better, especially when it warms up, right?

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 12:15am
I agree with one of the other posters, it sounds like he does not feel heard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 7:04am

You have gotten good advice

You want him to be happy so you can feel good about your decision-that's understandable. We WANT our kids to be happy but it just doesnt always work that way! And it's okay-doesnt make you a bad mom

Acknowledge what he is feeling. Completely. NO "I know you miss your best friend in CA but he was a jerk anyway-remember when he.........."

He misses his friends and he misses what he knew as a dad. He is entitled to grieve

I agree that cutting off communication with old friends through the internet would be a bad idea.

There might be something out there for the 13 yr old after school-ask. And, if not, I would definitely enlist the help of relatives here. If one could go to someone's house even 2/wk I suspect it would help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 7:30am

Welcome to the board Amy!


You've gotten some good advice from others, so I won't repeat it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 9:39am

Thanks so much everyone for your advice!


It really helps to know others have been through similar situations.