Blew the whistle on my kids today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Blew the whistle on my kids today....
9
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 4:54pm

To make a long story short, For a very long time, I've been (and still am) a very permissive parent. Often times jumping in on myhusband diciplining the kids. (he is very old school and simply makes threats and has a verybad temper). He would never hurt them, but nonetheless when "Dad" freaks, everyone knows it.


My 2 teenagers (son - 14, daughter 17) are "good" kids. No drugs, alcohol or smoking. They are what you might call "home-bodies"and dont usually "hang out", and if they do, its usually at my sisters, when they are with thier cousins. Anyhow, they (like us all) are not perfect.


They've been giving me such a hard time when it comes to taking responsibility. Typical teenage stuff I guess, no chores, and heaven forbid I should ask. Its seems I cant rely on them for anything.


The most difficult challenge I have is getting them up and getting them to go to school. Over the last few months I

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 5:03pm

Oh, what a rotten day for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 5:24pm

A family meeting would be a great idea, but first I would get a hold of your DH and let him know that he needs to let you speak first at this family meeting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 8:15pm

dad had to learn not to be a Marine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 1:14pm

Thank you all for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 3:35pm

Good luck and I really do hope you have the family meeting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 10:29pm

Hi Marley

I'm late in the game here, but something struck me in your post, and in some of the responses. Like you, I used to have a tendency to be a little more lenient - to avoid confrontation with my DH. But I realized that by doing this I wasn't being honest with my DH - hiding a problem from him because I didn't want him to get mad. That is disrespectful of him, because it keeps him out of things related to the kids - and then led to him being caught off guard and reacting more angrily. By sharing more with him on a day-to-day basis, he feels more respected, more part of the kids' lives - and less likely to blow up at them.

If your DH had known all along that getting up in the morning was an issue, he might have been less surprised by this last incident, and more able to respond in a way that was appropriate to the situation.

Hope things even out for you all.

HTH

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 11:38am

I have never really had a family meeting because my kids are a big diff. apart in ages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 12:37pm

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but your comments reminded me of something. My DS had always been the kind of kid who could never get ready for school on time. We had so much stress in the mornings, yelling at him to get up, get dressed, eat, etc., etc. He'd barely make it out the door to the school bus in time. Then when he was in 7th grade, I was teaching full time and I had to leave before anyone else in the family. Then DH would drop DD off at the high school, so DS would be home alone and had to get himself out the door in time. One time, he actually did miss his bus and had to walk to school. Actually, he ran all the way (about a mile) because he was so freaked out! LOL. Well, that was the first and last time that ever happened. He never missed that bus again, and even now, when someone is at home, he still manages to get himself together on his own.


I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes, making the kids take ownership of the problem and face the natural consequences can serve as a wake-up call!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 8:03pm

I feel your pain.