No common sense at all - why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
No common sense at all - why?
34
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 12:53pm

My wife, has 3 daughters and a son from a prev. marriage.


Her 10 and 12 y.o. daughters have very good common sense.


However, her 15 year old daughter

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 1:43pm

I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's moved into the brain dead teen years when kids loose all sense of common sense that they once had!

Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 1:43pm

I think that she does these things because she has been allowed to do them.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 1:47pm

It sounds to me as if it's only a small part laziness and mostly self centeredness, which, incidentally, is not at all uncommon in her age group. HOWEVER, since Ms. Thing seems to believe the world revolves around her little life, perhaps you and your wife have a sit down and brainstorm some good, appropriate, healthy-for-everyone-ways of handling it. **It also sounds like everyone is having a difficult time figuring out healhty boundaries.


Blended and step parenting is never an easy task and marrying a woman with 4 children is a big step. It may be that you could all benefit from an outside third party to mediate a few family meetings so everyone has the opportunity to vent their frustrations in a safe environment.


My H is a step dad to my dds - and my younger 18dd is and always has been a handful - and that is a very loose interpretation of the word 'handful', trust me. Counseling helped all of us in many ways. I think you should try it. You will all learn new ways of respecting one another's boundaries and space.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:10pm

luigi,


In varying degrees, common sense takes a nose dive during puberty. There have actually been medical studies proving the chemical composition of the frontal lobe of the brain (the part concerning judgement and common sense) is quite under developed until after the teen years.


The examples you state seem like fairly normal early teen behavior - they are all behaviors that don't necessarily concern themselves with others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:18pm

The one comment that I noticed that I really thought was head on, but never thought of was, self centeredness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:30pm

I'm not sure your examples indicate a lack of common sense, although right now I can't think up an example of what I would consider someone who has no common sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:31pm

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That can be a habit picked up from the other kids she hangs around. Sometimes I could tell who my DS was spending time with by the mood/language he'd use. He never acted like he didn't know it was wrong, though. I fined him $1 per word when he'd start carelessly using swear words.

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DS and DH both do that. We rinse our milk jugs before recycling and I think they're just too lazy.

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That's a new one....try showing her the water bill and have her pay her share.

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Sometimes they just get caught up in their own world and don't realize what they're doing. If she does it occasionally, I think I'd just ask her to go to another room. If it happens repeatedly, I'd take her cell phone from her for a few days.

Maybe the teens just need to learn the art of mindfulness, and to be reminded to have consideration for others. It might be more of a personality thing than an age thing. I suppose a higher consciousness of one's surroundings and hesitancy, can be benefits of shyness. Our quieter DS18 has always been more considerate than our more impulsive supersocializer, DS24.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:35pm

To cont. my previous post, obviously your DSD gets away w/ not doing stuff because her mom doesn't make an issue of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 3:25pm

Don't despair...growing up I was often told I had no common sense. Now, imho, I have lots of it! Sometimes I'm a regular MacGyver. There's a difference too, between lack of sense and rudeness. Nows the time to teach her the difference, but be patient.


I understand your frustration., but I think you can really only address one thing at a time, rather than the overall lack of c.s. If my kids leave the water on or lights, I call them from whatever they're doing to turn it off. Send her to the store for more milk if she finishes it off and puts the empty back. (I know, it looks like you actually have milk!) Have her turn her phone off during family time. My DD-15 gets loud sometimes....she's just not aware, we have to remind her she's not in the house alone.


P.S. I am the one who left the water on recently.

 

Avatar for commitmeplz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 5:40pm

Yep....sounds like a teen to me!


They spend little time thinking of others..and a lot of time thinking of them selves and their friends! Not all..and not all the time...


Good luck!

Corysigcopy.jpg picture by commitmeplz


 

 

 

      

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