trying to get back on the wagon!
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| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 12:52pm |
i wanted to cry when i weighed myself this morning! but i've done a lot of thinking, and i think part of the reason i fell off the SBD wagon was because i was scared i'd actually reach my weight goal (i had 4 more lbs to go before i gained back the 5) and find that i still wouldn't be happy with myself or the way i look. i've been trying to work on the emotional side of things, but in the meantime i decided that TODAY will be the day i get back on track, phase 1 again!
has anyone else shared my experience or have any advice on dealing with emotional eating and not going back to that and undoing all the hard work? sometimes it's hard for me to be happy and "diet" because i start fixating on how it's not fair that i can't eat things that other people can, what's the point i'll always be fat, etc....then i completely lose it and binge! if anyone has resources for books to read, websites, etc. that has helped them, i'd love to know about them.
in the meantime, i'm hoping to stay motivated by reaching out for support here! thanks for "listening"..
susie

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Susie, I'm really sorry for your struggles.
Susie, I've been thinking about you all afternoon.
Hi Susie,
(((Hugs))) It's great that you found your way back here.
I feel your pain, and I just wanted to try to send out some encouraging words! I too have struggled with some of the issues that you've had to deal with -- I still struggle with them. About ten years ago, I had an eating disorder. And I think that it really makes things like this more difficult because all of those issues rear their ugly heads again. Emotional eating is so hard to overcome because it becomes this terrible cycle where everything just looks bleaker and bleaker. But here are some tips that have helped me.
(1) Figure out when you feel the urge to emotionally eat. I never have any problems in the morning, but in the late afternoon I can get into trouble! And try to stay away then, or schedule in something that you know will help you. Whenever I feel the urge to emotionally eat, I grab my CD player and go for a long walk. It always sends the cravings right away! Don't wait for the cravings to hit.
(2) Think about a day that you ate really healthily and how GREAT and EMPOWERED it made you feel. Hold that day, that feeling, in your mind and return to it everytime you feel like sabotaging yourself. I always think about a day that I went to Six Flags with my boyfriend. We were running around all day, and we worked up a really good appetite, and then we can home and mixed up some fantastic salads and had fruit for dessert. The healthy food tasted delicious, and the best part was that I wasn't focused on it at all. I was so happy to be in that moment, to be alive.
(3) Remind yourself that you can always get back on track. Just because you eat that one bite of ice cream doesn't mean you have to give up and start again tomorrow. Being on the Beach is more of a mind frame, I think. Just telling myself that I'm "on the South Beach Diet" helps me so much because it's a choice that I'm making. It empowers me. And just because I eat a cookie or something doesn't change the fact that I'm on the Beach, because I've made the decision to be healthy.
I don't know if these help at all. I mainly just want to let you know that you're not alone. And I'd love to hear all about the great progress that I know you'll make! I really think that the hardest part is the initial "getting back on the wagon." I think that even if you just eat a little better each day, you'll get back there before you know it and things will be easy again.
You can do it!
Christine
maggie, you brought up some really good points. i have been to a counselor before, but i stopped in february or so..i'm really thinking of starting some sessions again, perhaps with someone who specializes in eating disorders. as for the BMI chart, i land at 26.5 right now, (i was 25.5 pre-binge-week, trying to get below 25). i thnk it's that grey area where according to the charts i'm slightly overweight, but of course friends will tell me i'm "normal" or "average", i.e. not "fat" (i wear sizes 6-10). i don't even know what to think anymore!! my mom spent most of my life since age 10 telling me how fat i was, and let me overhear her telling her friends how frustrated she was because i was so fat. however, no one outside my family ever called me overweight, and my weight has been about the same since high school..and my size/shape has never really changed very much..so i think part of me was always struggling to somehow believe that i was ok as i was, but at the same time hating my body. i think i've also just gotten so used to focusing all my problems around being fat and hating my physical appearance that it's tough to switch gears.
thanks so much for the link to the message board on ivillage--i'll definitely check it out. and i do think the most empowering thing you've all pointed out is that i can take back control and make my own decisions instead of looking towards others, "luck", etc. i can do this!!! (day 2 and counting!)
btw, for those who might also struggle with emotional eating, i've been reading a great book: "French Toast for Breakfast"--it's really hit on a lot of key points!
susie :)
Hi Susie!!
Susie, I found the article.
I read your original post today and I felt like I had posted it myself! I fell off the wagon of SB 2 weeks ago and have been having the HARDEST time getting back on. I'm an emotional eater, too, that struggled with an eating disorder 4 years ago, and like you, those voices come back to me. Everyone's suggestions to you were wonderful - I've even jotted some of them down for myself.
It's just crazy to me how many wonderful women out there struggle with eating disorders. When I was in college, I went to a group meeting for recovering anorexics or those with eating disorders, and I was amazed at how smart these women were, how beautiful, how talented, and just how special they are. One of the girls I met there is one of my best friends now, and she is the most amazing person I've ever met, and I can't even imagine why she ever struggled with an eating disorder. I guess my point is, whatever you're feeling about yourself now, or in the past, always remember that you represent those women in the support group - you're an amazing person, and you don't deserve to be a victim of an eating disorder. I hope you conquer that area of your life and find peace with it and yourself. And I hope you're feeling better and getting back on track. Keep us posted about your progress!
Candace
it's day 3 back on phase I for me, and i'm doing ok. no bingeing, and i've really been trying to let myself "feel" things rather than automatically thinking about what i want to eat! when i feel anxious, i noticed that i'll start focusing on that anxious feeling in my stomach and think that it's hunger--or at least that i really need to fill up that "empty feeling", even if it's not really physical! i think if i can stick to reversing this habit, it'll be really good for me. and candace--your story about the eating disorders group made me think a lot about being kinder to myself; maybe not enough of us consider ourselves as we would our friends or other women, and focus too much on the negatives--i know i do!
this weekend i'm a little worried though, my friends invited me out tonight, and while i want to enjoy their company, they're going drinking/dancing and of course i don't want to be tempted to drink, and there's a mother's day lunch where i might have to turn down offers of non SBD-friendly foods..weekends can be tough, but i'm going to do my best!
susie :)
Susie, just remember this weekend that you've got buddies here that are cheering for you.
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