First time here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
First time here
3
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 11:58pm
This is my first time here and there is not an emoticon for scared to death, so I couldn't pick one. Last week I had a heart attack. I was locked in the apartment with my 2 yr old granddaughter. As God was watching HER, she was napping in her room. I have no memory of 90 minutes of my life. At some point I got my dil home from work (in 3 minutes) and made it to the door to unlock the bolt.I don't remember that or anything else until about 3 hours later heading for cardiac cath.I can remember crying for her in my head and not being able to talk. I shake as I write this. I have never been so scared. We talk about how smart this precious baby is, but she could have found her Nana dead on the couch and neither parent home until after 7pm. I have taken care of her since she was born and would kill anyone who tried to separate us. I am afraid to be alone with her now. I wake up in the night reliving the whole thing and because I can't remember much of it I am even more frightened. I am also so angry. This was caused by myocarditis, extreme chest wall inflammation and esophogeal spasm. Or at least they contributed to it. I have had lupus since 1995. I am on state aid now, not able to work, but go to a clinic in one of the "10 Best Hospitals in the World". To a dr half my age, who ran some tests and said I didn't have it, who said I didn't need the steriods that just saved my life. I am supposed to make an appt with this person asap for follow up and I am too angry to pick up the phone. I am spending most of the day crying over missing my granddaughter, who can't understand why Nana isn't there, and being filled with rage at that dr. The caardiologist thinks I need therapy to help get over my fear of what "could have happened", but when I close my eyes, it's happening again and again and again. I am only 52 and until the lupus was never sick. My bp is 110/60, choles is 147. I have never smoked, never drink alcohol don't abuse drugs. I feel like I'm not going to wake up. I'm sorry this is long but I can't sleep and I can't really scare my family anymore. Can anyone help me? Dori
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: weluvbugs
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 12:56pm
please remove my post. I have obviously posted to a board tha does not accept newcomers well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: weluvbugs
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:32pm

Hi there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: weluvbugs
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:40pm

Dori,


Again, welcome.