An open letter to pets

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
An open letter to pets
8
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:21pm

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The Other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
Me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't
worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the children.

Katz

 

 Katz

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:44pm
I think I might actually print out that last part and post it on my front door! LOL!

Danielle and her furbabies....                         &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 1:35pm

This one is one of my all time favorites. And so true!!! All the cats (3) try to race to the bottom or top of the stairs. And my stairs aren't wide enough for a human and 3 cats. Especially at the top were they try to take a tight turn. Many a collision has happened at the top of the stairs.

And this part...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't
worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the children.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is the reason why my roommate only lasted two months. Cats come first and cats know this.

Bridgett and Co.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2010
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 1:39pm
That's right. That's how it should be. And people who don't get that, well...
Katz

 

 Katz

 

 

Avatar for cl_lcni
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 7:24pm
LMBO if that isn't so true!


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-25-2005 - 10:15pm

I love it!!!

I wonder about the king size bed item - Zipper and I can somehow share the couch together if we're both sleeping. But, there are times when he gets behind me when I'm sitting that you'd think there was a lion laying in behind me! LOL

Ya gotta love 'em!










Animals are forever - and so is their love.






Animals are forever - and so is their love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 1:57pm
ISN'T IT FUNNY THAT PEOPLE THAT DON'T HAVE ANIMALS THINK WE ARE CRAZY. BUT WE ARE VERY SANE BECAUSE WE CAN SHARE OUR LIVES AND HOME WITH OUR CATS AND DOGS AND ALWAYS HAVE COMPANY BECAUSE THEY NEVER LEAVE US OR BACK TALK. I WELL TAKE MY ANIMALS OVER ANYONE. THEY KEEP ME SANE WELL AS SANE AS ANYONE CAN BE. THEY ARE GREAT THEY ARE THERE IF YOUR SICK TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP THEY NEVER TELL YOU ARE FAT OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD HURT YOUR FELLINGS. THEY JUST LOVE FOR WHO YOU ARE. JOANN

LOVE IS SHOWN BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS.

LOVE IS SHOWN BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 8:23am

Very true! I have another one to add:

It is not necessary for you to stick your face as far as it will possibly go into every glass of tea, coffee or water I leave unattended.

Iri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 12:48pm

ROFL LMBO - very cute!

Michelle