An open letter to pets
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| Fri, 02-25-2005 - 12:21pm |
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The Other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
Me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't
worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the children.

Danielle and her furbabies.... &nb
This one is one of my all time favorites. And so true!!! All the cats (3) try to race to the bottom or top of the stairs. And my stairs aren't wide enough for a human and 3 cats. Especially at the top were they try to take a tight turn. Many a collision has happened at the top of the stairs.
And this part...
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Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and
cats are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the
time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hangout with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't
worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the children.
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is the reason why my roommate only lasted two months. Cats come first and cats know this.
Bridgett and Co.
Katz
I love it!!!
I wonder about the king size bed item - Zipper and I can somehow share the couch together if we're both sleeping. But, there are times when he gets behind me when I'm sitting that you'd think there was a lion laying in behind me! LOL
Ya gotta love 'em!
Animals are forever - and so is their love.
Animals are forever - and so is their love.
LOVE IS SHOWN BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS.
LOVE IS SHOWN BY DEEDS, NOT WORDS.
Very true! I have another one to add:
It is not necessary for you to stick your face as far as it will possibly go into every glass of tea, coffee or water I leave unattended.
Iri
ROFL LMBO - very cute!
Michelle