was your relationship fun?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
was your relationship fun?
5
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:13pm
I don't mean to dredge up anything, so I am sorry if I get anyone down by reminiscing, but I was wondering how many of you had real fun in your relationships? Like, I was watching the early seasons of Sex and the City, and watching Carrie and Big laugh and joke and wrestle around in bed, and it struck me that the whole element of play was missing from my relationship with my ex. There was a deep emotional connection, creative lovemaking, mutual respect, and we could each make each other laugh. But there wasn't really any play, any just goofing around, we never just let loose and hit each other with pillows or threw food at each other or had light-hearted fun. I think that's such a key part of a relationship, I can't believe I forged along for so long with someone where that was missing. Does anyone else agree? I wonder why we didn't have that, if it was just who he was, or if there was a connection we weren't making. Anyway, I've gotten so much "fun" from my friends since the breakup, and even from dating casually, so many moments where I end up laughing so hard that I snort or something, that I can't imagine I went so long in a relationship not noticing that absence and not thinking anything of it. Maybe I'm looking for comments on what you've rediscovered about life or about yourself that you never even realized you were missing, being with your ex. I have rediscovered the pleasures of good sushi (my ex refused to go with me, so I almost never did). I have also regressed about 10 years, I feel really lighthearted and happy in my good moments, I hadn't realized that he made me happy, but not childishly giddy happy, that we just didn't play.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:35pm
My relationship with my ex was fun. We did lots of silly stuff... we chased down the ice cream man for two blocks through the sprinklers at dusk. We beat each other with whatever happened to be handy. We knew all of each other's ticklish spots and took full advantage of them. We made fun of people and would talk to each other in outrageous accents and do things just to get a rise out of our friends. We loved being out on a "fancy" date and going to the park in the dark and playing on the swings and monkeybars in our nice clothes. Of course, we're in college, so the maturity level kind of makes most of that a given, I suppose. :) I'm really missing it. I think a lot of it stemmed from being good friends before we started going out.

Actually, when we broke up, he cited our different senses of humor as one of the big problems for him. I guess he always felt like a failure because he couldn't make me laugh so hard I stopped breathing. I could never quite convince him that I really just don't laugh like that very much anymore... I've had a rough couple of years, which have sobered me up a lot, and I've always tended to be a lot more mature in a lot of ways. He taught me how to be 20. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:57pm
This is a painful memory for me. With my X - we had it all - an incredible friendship that was what got us through any hard times over the past 20 years, mutual respect and admiration for each other, an incredible sex life, the ability to talk about almost anything and this wonderful spirit.

One time we were in DC and he gave me a piggy back ride for about 20 blocks. I thought he was nuts--but it was great fun. We had gone to the Vietnam Memorial and he cried as he walk down the path...it was an incredibly wonderful day. We had so much fun together. We had pillow fights and played games and just felt completely connected. It is one of the things that is missing in my relationship with my H.

We just loved hanging out together-- the silence was never awkward -- it just felt normal and comfortable if that makes sense.

tb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:43pm
I'm trying to think. We had tons of good times. We did lots of fun and romantic stuff. Going to plays, movies, trips, dinners, and events. Most of our time we stayed at home and I want to say we were silly. Yeah, there was definitely light hearted fun. We would goof around a lot and had lots of silly times doing a bunch of nothing. I think that kinda stopped though in the latter part of the relationship I don't know if its because we got into a routine or what. I definitely am finding things I missed while in the relationship and that is interacting with others. Like I said before he guilted me into being with him all the time and would make me feel really bad when I was hanging out with others. So now I have guilt free time with friends that I have reconnected with and my new friends that I'm forming relations with. Going out is definitely fun. We rarely went out and did anything especially at the end. We would go to a movie here and there but that was really it. I like the independence I lost while I was in the relationship. I'm not afraid to do something alone anymore. I can do the stuff he told me I couldn't do. Even after he broke up with me he was like I'll be here when you need me. I was like no and he was like well you need someone to help you with things and you don't have anyone else. I'm sure there is more but those are the major things I enjoy about myself now that I'm not in the relationship and I'm not going to let them go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:29am
my relationship was a lot of fun in the beginning. we were very lighthearted and silly , made fun of each other, play-fought...but i must admit that the fun element decreased as time went on. my ex was getting more and more depressed about his own life, and he was less playful and fun in general. what brought us together last summer was our similar senses of humor, we'd watch silly internet videos and make jokes about everything and we never stopped laughing around each other. i think some time last november...that all started to decrease...my ex was looking into going to therapy because his mood just wasnt getting better. when we both went home for christmas holidays he was slowly starting to feel better but when we returned i realized things werent really better at all. sometime in february he apologized to me for not being the same person he was when we first fell in love...and he's right. he wasnt.

so i guess to answer the question, the relationship WAS fun, but when my ex stopped enjoying life, he stopped enjoying our relationship. he just became very serious...he laughed less and smiled less...and thats so sad but its not my fault and it took me a long time to realize that there was nothing i could do to make things better for him.

being able to be silly with your mate is SO important. youi should be able to burp in front of them, make stupid jokes, get spinning drunk, dance around to cheesy music...to me that aspect of the relationship is vital. its also important as tb said that you be able to be silent together, that you dont feel the need to entertain each other. you need to be able to be yourself and show them sides of yourself tha tyou dont show others. i know my ex and i had that at one point...and i know i'll have that again with somebody new

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:01pm
OH ya, it was all about fun! That was one thing we did quite well and we were very comfortable with eachother in the sense that we would be silly and my most recent memory is lying on the sofa together and laughing so hard together, can't remember about what, but it was a great feeling. I had a silly dance i did to a particular tv show and he was always a goof and loved to make me laugh, which he did. Nothing was really ever too serious, but when there were underlying issues that we weren't talking about it was more difficult for us to be comfortable in that silly way with eachother.

What i have rediscovered since the break up though is how many htings i love to do that i just wasnt doing. I started a garden on my patio and have been doing more hiking. Weekends usually always consisted of the same things and i think that was a negative aspect in the sense that i should have really focused on my likes more. But you know we were not living in the saem city for almost 2 years of our relaitonship and so i think when i moved back, we did the same things just more. SO things get stagnant pretty fast, even if we were having some level of fun. But now I know that in the future, i have to sustain my likes more, even if it means doing them with friends or alone.

Nothing wrong with two people who don't have absolutely everything in common but you both have to make sure you are remaining 'yourselves' in the union.