was your relationship fun?
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was your relationship fun?
| Tue, 06-22-2004 - 9:13pm |
I don't mean to dredge up anything, so I am sorry if I get anyone down by reminiscing, but I was wondering how many of you had real fun in your relationships? Like, I was watching the early seasons of Sex and the City, and watching Carrie and Big laugh and joke and wrestle around in bed, and it struck me that the whole element of play was missing from my relationship with my ex. There was a deep emotional connection, creative lovemaking, mutual respect, and we could each make each other laugh. But there wasn't really any play, any just goofing around, we never just let loose and hit each other with pillows or threw food at each other or had light-hearted fun. I think that's such a key part of a relationship, I can't believe I forged along for so long with someone where that was missing. Does anyone else agree? I wonder why we didn't have that, if it was just who he was, or if there was a connection we weren't making. Anyway, I've gotten so much "fun" from my friends since the breakup, and even from dating casually, so many moments where I end up laughing so hard that I snort or something, that I can't imagine I went so long in a relationship not noticing that absence and not thinking anything of it. Maybe I'm looking for comments on what you've rediscovered about life or about yourself that you never even realized you were missing, being with your ex. I have rediscovered the pleasures of good sushi (my ex refused to go with me, so I almost never did). I have also regressed about 10 years, I feel really lighthearted and happy in my good moments, I hadn't realized that he made me happy, but not childishly giddy happy, that we just didn't play.

Actually, when we broke up, he cited our different senses of humor as one of the big problems for him. I guess he always felt like a failure because he couldn't make me laugh so hard I stopped breathing. I could never quite convince him that I really just don't laugh like that very much anymore... I've had a rough couple of years, which have sobered me up a lot, and I've always tended to be a lot more mature in a lot of ways. He taught me how to be 20. :)
One time we were in DC and he gave me a piggy back ride for about 20 blocks. I thought he was nuts--but it was great fun. We had gone to the Vietnam Memorial and he cried as he walk down the path...it was an incredibly wonderful day. We had so much fun together. We had pillow fights and played games and just felt completely connected. It is one of the things that is missing in my relationship with my H.
We just loved hanging out together-- the silence was never awkward -- it just felt normal and comfortable if that makes sense.
tb
so i guess to answer the question, the relationship WAS fun, but when my ex stopped enjoying life, he stopped enjoying our relationship. he just became very serious...he laughed less and smiled less...and thats so sad but its not my fault and it took me a long time to realize that there was nothing i could do to make things better for him.
being able to be silly with your mate is SO important. youi should be able to burp in front of them, make stupid jokes, get spinning drunk, dance around to cheesy music...to me that aspect of the relationship is vital. its also important as tb said that you be able to be silent together, that you dont feel the need to entertain each other. you need to be able to be yourself and show them sides of yourself tha tyou dont show others. i know my ex and i had that at one point...and i know i'll have that again with somebody new
What i have rediscovered since the break up though is how many htings i love to do that i just wasnt doing. I started a garden on my patio and have been doing more hiking. Weekends usually always consisted of the same things and i think that was a negative aspect in the sense that i should have really focused on my likes more. But you know we were not living in the saem city for almost 2 years of our relaitonship and so i think when i moved back, we did the same things just more. SO things get stagnant pretty fast, even if we were having some level of fun. But now I know that in the future, i have to sustain my likes more, even if it means doing them with friends or alone.
Nothing wrong with two people who don't have absolutely everything in common but you both have to make sure you are remaining 'yourselves' in the union.