he broke with me 2 days ago
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he broke with me 2 days ago
| Wed, 06-23-2004 - 3:07pm |
Please help someone out there. I have posted many times here, about my BF that needed ALOT of space in our realtionship of 2 .5 years. On Monday he broke up with me. We spent all weekend together, with his kids, fathers day the whole nine yards. Then ALL of a sudden he calls me to say he is"unhappy" mentally, and needs to think about things, sort things out. I asked him Are you breaking up with me is that what you are saying?? He said I dont know. I proceeded to tell him: I am coming over right now so we can discuss this. I left work and saw him, he looked very sad and said I need to break up with you right now. I said Why- what is going on? he said I am not growing in this relationship, I need to find myself, figure out what I want. I sat there and JUST CRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was sooooo awful. I did not know what to say, SO then i said well, am I going to see you again? he said Don't be dramatic, I told him I wasnt that he just BROKE my heart! he was crying and said this is very hard for him, that he loved being with me, we had a grat time, he just cannot be in a relationship. I am of course, shocked, confused and not sure IF he will come back after he "finds himself". Someone who knows what I am going through PLEASE give me some insight as to what is happening, or what i need to do....

I am so very lost and hurt- it makes me sick.....
Men suck :(
Its difficult, but when you break up with someone or someone breaks up with you - the no contact rule should go right into effect. If he calls you, comes over, gives you his shoulder to cry on - how will you learn to live without him?
I can offer the following 'Being Dumped by a CP' advice (since I have 3 times): Do not talk to him. Do not call him. Do not email him. Do not make excuses to see him. If he calls you and says he just wants to know how you are doing, tell him you are working on getting over this and you would appreciate it if he would help you by not contacting you anymore and that once you have moved past this, you will contact him if you wish to be friends.
Trust me hun, there is no other way in the world to get through this. You will continually drive yourself insane if you try to analyze or hope he will come back to you.
So realize you did nothing wrong, but also realize he isn't going to change. IF he calls and wants to come back, you could probably bet it won't be for long and after a while, it'll be the same on' thing where he needs his space and starts to push you away. I have been there. I had an ex that did that for a good year after we first broke off. I didn't know better back then, but I do now.
TRUST ME when I say you need to break off all contact. Yes, it's a hard thing to have to do, probably one of the hardest things to do, but for your own protection and your own well-being, it'll have to be done, or you can forget about ever moving on with your life.
I can't imagine that you would want to be upset and distraught over this guy in a year from now, two years from now, not even have moved forward, right? So take this time to realize what is most important and that is you, not him. He has his own issues he needs to deal with, but there is no sense in waiting and praying and hoping he'll be back, because if he did come back...it wouldn't be for long.
Take care of yourself my dear. Put yourself first now. Take the control away that the classic CP needs. Take the power away that he has over you - because honestly, the power was never his to have in the first place.
Chin up and do something nice for yourself today...take a walk...call a friend...rent a funny movie (no love stories!)...go visit your family...get a pedicure...take a bubble bath...get a manicure...get a facial...go shopping...eat some chocolate...WHATEVER it is you can do to feel even the slightest bit better is so healthy! And when you have to cry, cry and then dry your eyes and cry some more. Let the emotions out.
We are all here for you.
I want him back0 but not with all of the control , the relationship was ALWAAYS on hi sterms. it sucked for me but I continued to hang in there...
Do you think he will come back? I hope so, but I know I need to move forward , it so so hard, I love him and I know he loves me :( SIGH
Hard times for me right now, I am confused, hurt angry and sad all at once. PLease respond if you can.
X0
He said he loved me, he said that we can be friends... he has done NONE of that..I cant let go of him.. I am reading- I am trying to keep busy- But I am killing my life, my soul..
Cocajoe
You have to start by doing little things here and there for yourself. Try journaling. It really is a VERY effective tool.
To sit there and just think that things will just automatically get better because he'll mysteriously change his mind and come back, you are only fooling yourself. He has made up his mind to not be with you romantically so you need to make up your mind to realize you are worth more than to be with some boy who cannot love you and cherish you for all that you are.
You two cannot be friends right now because you are still in love with him. You have to be able to get over your romantic feelings for him in order to have a normal friendship. Think about it this way, you don't have romantic feelings for your other friends right? Well then you cannot have them for him if you are going to have a *healthy* friendship. Additionally, if you two continue to talk and be "friends" - then you are going to continue to anaylze every word that comes out of his mouth, every joke, every laugh, every motion he does if you hang out, every smile, every THING. When in fact, it is what it is. You will continue to think that "hey, he smiled at me today, he probably misses me and wants to come back!" Or, "he called me today, I bet he still loves me and he is going to come back." It doesn't work that way. If he wanted to be in a committed relationship, he would be in one with you right now. However, you two are NOT in the same spot in life so you need to LET HIM GO so he can get himself together and YOU NEED TO GET YOURSELF TOGETHER TOO!
You said yourself that he has done NONE of what he said he would (be your friend, etc...) so you gotta ask yourself "would a normal friend do that? Would a normal friend treat me the way he does? AND would I be this upset from a normal friend if they have not called?"
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider counseling! You should be able to find a counselor that works on a sliding scale if your insurance does not cover it! There is NO REASON to allow a man to ruin your entire life to the point of killing yourself. (If I am reading what you said correctly...) Counseling works wonders! I think you would REALLY benefit from it!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try and let go. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get some help outside of these boards and outside of books and friends. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop hanging onto false hope!