What Color Collar?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2004
What Color Collar?
2
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:21am
To open minded persons only. (This question is not meant to be politically incorrect, no matter how it may sound.)

To be in with Heidi and cosmogoober, here's another poll question: in all non-superficial capacities, i.e., say, a burger-flipper is paid the same amount as an orthopedic surgeon, does education or "collar color" matter? Meaning, do you feel you click with a more white collar, so-called educated man? Or, do the blue collar, sweathogs/adrenaline junkies melt your butter?

I've had a good amount of education and I work in a very technical position. Most of my relationships have been with, to be trite, uniformed men. Firefighters, cops, Marines, paramedics. I've never been interested in the "Corner Office Nappers" like my dad. I wonder, however, since there hasn't been much emotional fulfillment for me with these past SOs, maybe I should be looking for someone who is more of a thinker?

What think you??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:14am
Well, that's been a no-brainer for me, although I don't specifically think of it in terms of collar color. I need an intellectual connection, I need a partner who can challenge and stimulate me intellectually. I want to discuss, frankly, whatever there is to discuss. Literature, politics, religion, "the meaning of life," sports rules, the justice system, our relationship, our feelings, our pasts. I want to be with someone who is intelligent and inquisitive, who gives careful consideration to ideas, who is maybe opinionated but understands why he holds an opinion, whose mind is open to possibilities. I want to be with a creative thinker, someone who sees options, someone who may be a bit of a dreamer. I want fascinating conversations.

I suspect I'm more likely to get that package from a white collar partner. I don't, however, preclude the possibility of finding a person who is intellectually engaged but perhaps less educated, or differently educated, or "life-educated," who can still reason and ponder and offer a new perspective on life. So, I've dated a spectrum of "collars," although I focused a good bit on the creative set (artists, musicians, etc.) when I was younger. Many creative folks are in jobs that don't permit them to exercise their creativity, which is expressed in their down time, so classifying their potential by collar may not be appropriate.

That being said, while being a "thinker," or at least someone who enjoys pondering and puzzling and talking out issues/problems, while that's probably my biggest criteria, there are also other basic standards I have. My last relationship was with a guy who was a "thinker" type, someone who challenged me with new ideas, new perspectives, someone with whom I could talk for hours. Someone who was never boring. But he lacked this critical component of compassion and empathy, he was not supportive during my brush with cancer, despite almost two years together and his incessant talk about the future (we'd been shopping for an engagement ring). So, we were serious, and committed, but he never thought there was anything wrong about flaking out during my cancer thing. Anyway, my point is that I found someone who met my biggest single criteria, but there is a spectrum of other qualities that don't immediately grab my attention but are still necessary for a relationship with me. So, I've been with seemingly endless variations of the nice, caring, considerate guy who can't keep up with me in a debate, and the brilliant but cold/selfish/narcissistic guy. I want both, so I'm still looking.

Anyway, I think you first need to define what qualities you're looking for in a partner. These may cluster in a way that suggests a particular "collar" is the best hunting grounds for such a person (tip: the legal field is not a great place to find Mr. Compassion). But if you know what you're looking for, not a personality type but a set of particular qualities, then you're more likely to recognize those qualities no matter what the package.


Edited 6/24/2004 11:32 am ET ET by milton333

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:41pm
In my younger days...I went out with some major losers...ones that couldn't hold a job to save their lives!!! But in my older years (I make it sound like I'm ancient) I just meet a guy and I won't even know what he does but our personalities will just click and then we go from there. But these guys have been well educated. My last ex is a development engineer for Goodyear...college grad and all that and my current bf also went to college and he works for a bank and is on his way to being a supervisor. I just recommend going with whoever you feel you have a connection with!













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