at a loss
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| Thu, 06-24-2004 - 9:16pm |
I can't eat, can't sleep, stomach is in knots. Throw up after I eat anything. Wake up after my 5 minutes of sleep in sweats. He means everything to me. I can't describe how I feel about him. To lose him for something so stupid would be such a loss.
How do you get through the interim when one person needs space and the other needs to know how to make him understand that I feel awful about what happened and make him believe that it will never happen again. I fully intend to make changes in my life to accomplish this.
A couple weeks ago we both told each other that we thought we could be the person forever for each other. I got a beautiful tennis bracelet last week for our anniversay. Now this.
I do want to give him the space he needs...but I miss him completely.

It seems to me the best way to get through it would be to focus on MAKING the changes you've said you were going to implement. Have you found a counselor? Decided whether you need to go to AA?
Don't *intend* to make the changes, make the changes!!! Whether or not he decides to come back, you'll be a better person for it.
Sheri
It does sound like you really messed up this time and I know that just makes it harder. I have no idea what you yelled at him but it must have been pretty hurtful to him. I don't know if this is the situation in your case but most people I've seen that yell things when they're drunk tend to yell their real subconscious feelings. Maybe you should look at what you said and try to figure out what could have caused you to say those things to him and if you really feel that way towards him. I'm glad your willing to get help for your drinking and I think you should continue to do so whether you stay with him or not.....you need to do it for you and your happiness and health not for him. It sounds like your bf is still upset and you need to continue to give him his space. Let him come to you next...you've said your thoughts in the e-mail so give him time. In the meantime try and stay busy...clean, exercise, hang out with friends (although I know you probably don't feel up to it), work on getting the help you need and bettering yourself and above all stay away from the alcohol!!!
Good luck and keep us posted!!!