at a loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
at a loss
2
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 9:16pm
Saturday night, after too much alcohol and little food, I was my fabulous self and blurted out things I would never even think of sober. We've been together for a year. He left and walked to his house and wouldn't talk. I stopped at his house on Sunday morning and he was angry. In fact Sunday night he told me that he needed a break and we could talk in a couple days. Still no word. I emailed him last night..apologizing, etc. In fact, bearing my soul about going to see someone about my actions, my drinking, etc. No reply from him.

I can't eat, can't sleep, stomach is in knots. Throw up after I eat anything. Wake up after my 5 minutes of sleep in sweats. He means everything to me. I can't describe how I feel about him. To lose him for something so stupid would be such a loss.

How do you get through the interim when one person needs space and the other needs to know how to make him understand that I feel awful about what happened and make him believe that it will never happen again. I fully intend to make changes in my life to accomplish this.

A couple weeks ago we both told each other that we thought we could be the person forever for each other. I got a beautiful tennis bracelet last week for our anniversay. Now this.

I do want to give him the space he needs...but I miss him completely.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pah794
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 9:45pm
I'm sorry for the turmoil you must be going through. This can't be easy.

It seems to me the best way to get through it would be to focus on MAKING the changes you've said you were going to implement. Have you found a counselor? Decided whether you need to go to AA?

Don't *intend* to make the changes, make the changes!!! Whether or not he decides to come back, you'll be a better person for it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: pah794
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 10:15pm
Welcome to the board!!!

It does sound like you really messed up this time and I know that just makes it harder. I have no idea what you yelled at him but it must have been pretty hurtful to him. I don't know if this is the situation in your case but most people I've seen that yell things when they're drunk tend to yell their real subconscious feelings. Maybe you should look at what you said and try to figure out what could have caused you to say those things to him and if you really feel that way towards him. I'm glad your willing to get help for your drinking and I think you should continue to do so whether you stay with him or not.....you need to do it for you and your happiness and health not for him. It sounds like your bf is still upset and you need to continue to give him his space. Let him come to you next...you've said your thoughts in the e-mail so give him time. In the meantime try and stay busy...clean, exercise, hang out with friends (although I know you probably don't feel up to it), work on getting the help you need and bettering yourself and above all stay away from the alcohol!!!

Good luck and keep us posted!!!














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