I finally did it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
I finally did it
5
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 11:23pm
Hey for those of you that know my story. I told him tonight that I cant deal with his games anymore. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I cried for hours after. I feel free now though. I was finally able to take my engagment ring off without feeling ill. I hate the thought of not having him in my life but I hate the thought of hurting all the time even more. I did write him an email apologizing for being so harsh though but in no way took back what I did say. I think I did it a little too "bitchy". Its not that he doesnt deserve it but I still love him and dont want to hurt him. Why I dont wnt to hurt him I still dont knwo. Yeah I love him but he continues to call me every night and tell me he loves me but things never change. He still plays his games even though he knows he is ripping my heart out. I found another site that is a lot of help if anyone is interested .... loveshack.org. Take care everyone. Peace and Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:02am
I'm going through the same emotions, I broke up after 3 years of being on a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn't take it anymore, especially when I came across some sick behavior on his part. I feel bad too, but they don't change. It's hard I know I have to keep busy and do alot of writing (my feelings). Part of me wants to go back because of comfort and the highs & lows of the relationship. Also my EGO gets in the way. I will check out that website. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:09am
Just out of curiousity - and you obviously don't have to say - but what sick behaviour did you come across? Just curious because I caught my bf of 3 years having cybersex and exchaning nudie pics with girls online!! :) That is what woke me up and had me running. What about you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:20am
Close. I always thought it was wierd that he had 1000's of porno tapes, which he called a collection. But he went to Rio 3 wks ago with a tour group (I did not want to go, we were suppose to go to New York). 3 days after he was back I spyed in his E-mail & found he was writing to a woman there & then, I truly believe God put this in my lap, I found evidence he hired 3 girls from an escort company to meet him there and he described what they should look like. I got sick to my stomach. This is a man in his 50's. WHY AM I ADDICTED TO A NUT JOB!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:29am
Good question - how can we be addicted to men who do such horrid things? There's nothing attractive about it. For me, he never physically cheated on me - but he did have online interaction with women, emailing them requests for naked pics, carrying on graphic and disgusting conversations, and even talking to one on the phone quite a bit.

He told me that it wasn't physical, so it was no biggie. I wanted everything to be ok, so I let myself believe that. I burned those disgusting conversations onto a CD rom from his PC and I read them when I feel like going back to him. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 12:28pm
It seems like we are living the same nightmare. Mine too said it's not physical, it's fantasy & he relaxes this way. I said what's wrong with the GYM or do something productive like clean the mess you live in. Of course addicts are good looking & charming & generous and hook you in. Do you believe I have had red flags all along, his last girlfriend called me and warned me but I thought she's just acting jealous. The thought of dating and meeting someone new makes me sick I'm in my late 40's and what's left out there is not pretty. Everytime I get weak I look at what he wrote. I will miss the good side to him but the bad is really bad.