Hurting so bad!!!
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Hurting so bad!!!
| Sat, 06-26-2004 - 12:05am |
I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago. I recently graduated from college and he's still in college with a year and a half left. Well since I've been home he would call when I was out and I wouldn't talk long because I was out with my friends at dinner, or just hanging out and he would get upset. Well I met some of my friends guy friends while playing cards and I told my bf where I was at and he called back telling me I should have told him I was going to stay out late. I got really hot and we got into a really bad argument. Well then between us having arguments every so often I had a graduation party. Well he knew the guys were coming because one is in a relationship with my friend and the other is bestfriends with the guy. Well my bf knew that the day of the party I was going to be busy entertaining my guest and I told him it would be late when I would call him maybe 2:00 in the morning. Well He calls at 12:30am and he acts like he has a attitude. I told him I was swimming and I get off the phone. He calls right back and I don't get to the phone in time and he leaves a nasty message saying how he needed me but I wasn't there for him and that was ok because he was going to bed. I call him back after everyone leaves and he doesn't pickup. Well I finally got tired of the BS and broke up with him because I figured I needed time apart from him. I felt I wasn't doing anything right. When I broke up with him, he told me I was like everyone else and he figured I would break up sooner or later. IT HURT!!! I've been there for him, its just the one night I have a good time he makes me feel so bad and how he started acting after I graduated. Well for a week I called and emailed him and realized I wanted to be with him because we had been together so long(2 years) we could work it out. The only time he responded to my emails was when I said I was going to move on. When I called him to see what was going on he told me he needed time apart and that I hurt him because he needed me. To this day I still don't know what he wanted with me. He kept telling me it was the fact I could chill with a guy but couldn't talk to him. IT WAS MY GRADUATION PARTY, PEOPLE WAS THERE!!! He kept arguing with me when I tried to talk to him I just cried because I knew I was losing him. Well I gave him a choice to tell me if he wanted to be with me or not and I would move on. Well he said yeah but the way he answered me was so mean. He was like Yeah I want to be with you...Now you have your fuc**** answer, like I'm a dog. Well I went out of town and I was really wanting to talk to him and I called. We got into another argument and I asked him basically there was nothing I could do to make him be with me and I started to cry. My friend walked in and was like get off the phone because I'm to pretty to cry over him. He called back that night and left a message telling me he loved me and realized I was hurting and apologized. Well when I got home I emailed him and told him I was backing away and then I called him the next day. It hurts because he doesn't say nothing about wanting to be with me or anything but he says he love me but he's hurt. I didn't do anything at the party and he keeps holding the fact thaat guys being there over my head. He goes to the clubs and I don't get upset. Well I called him tonight to tell him I loved him and I feel so stupid. I keep telling him through emails and phone calls I love him with all my heart and I want to be with him and I feel dumb. One minute I miss him and wish he would call and tell me he loves me then the next I cry and feel so depressed because i think WHAT IF. What if I didn't break up, or what if I would have called back earlier, or what if....
I'm really going through it and I don't know what to do anymore,
Pleaqse help!!!!
Crushenberry

He is hurt because you broke up with him. He needs time alone. "When I called him to see what was going on he told me he needed time apart and that I hurt him because he needed me." He is saying this to you and you are not listening. You have already told him you want him back, so stop right now! He knows this. Now the ball is in his court.
It is up to him to say if he wants to be with you, if he wants to risk being dumped by you again in the future possibly. So far he has not said he wants to get back together, he said he needs time and you should give him time. He says things he says because he is hurt and angry at being rejected by you. This is why he is being a jerk to you. He really does need time to figure out if he wants to get back together again.
Stop right now telling him you love him, etc., calling him emailing and contacting him in any way! This is for your own good. He is being a jerk right now, and you will only hurt yourself by continuing to have contact with him. Don't think about the WHAT IF... because it will drive you crazy. For now, do your own stuff and move on with your life. Let him figure things out on his own. Right now he is too hurt to even try to see your side of the story, so talking to him won't do you any good.
If he decides to give you guys another shot, he will be back, and will know where to find you. If he won't be back, you will be on a road to recovery. Right now, both of you are playing with each others' emotions, and this stops now! You are stopping it, because you don't want to hurt anymore.
No contact with him whatsoever and if he talks to you he has to be understanding, and all issues have to be adressed by both parties. If he gets defensive tell him that it can never work out between the two of you if you guys can't have a normal conversation and can't see the other's point of view.
Good luck!