Should I break off this casual thing?
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| Sat, 06-26-2004 - 6:41am |
I began dating a very nice guy in early May. On our second date, he presented me with broadway tickets he had purchased for a late June show. It scared me because at our second date, he was already locking me in for late June!!
We are still dating a month and a half later, but he wants to be exclusive already and has told me that he thinks he's falling in love with me. I just got out of a serious 3 year relationship 2 months ago, so I told him I couldn't committ to him right now. He was upset, but said that was okay as long as I wasn't with anyone... Hmmm, sounds like monogomy? He talk quite a bit about our "future" - going to see a Christmas show in Nyc... He calls me every day, emails me multiple times a day... Through all this, he said if he's going too fast or doing too much, to let him know, which is very mature for this young guy - but it still feels like a lot!
I do like him - he is one of the most thoughtful, sweet, and generous people I have ever met... but that doesn't necessarily mean he is for me. I can't seem to find that spark that you usually have with someone when you want to see them all of the time. I have no passion for him at all and sometimes find myself getting very annoyed with things he says that I have to hide the fact I'm cringing inside. Now I thought 'dating' meant getting to know someone so that when feelings like I have arise, I can just shrug and say "I guess it wasn't meant to be" and go onto the next date. It seems that I've gotten myself in a situation in which the guy wants an instant girlfriend/relationship and has soared through that 'getting to know if I want you around another week' phase.
I just don't think I'm ready. That broadway show is tomorrow, so of course I have to go but part of me doesn't want to. I can't get in deeper because it is not fair to this person. He is very sensitive though and I am afraid to upset him. Any words of wisdom?

Yes, he may get upset but it's much better than letting him think that everything's ok. This way, you free him (and yourself) to find somoene who's right for you.
One more thing: I would probably either pay for dinner when you go to the show, or offer him money for the cost of your ticket. I had the experience of a guy going to an expensive concert with me (my treat) and then breaking up with me a couple days later, and it definitely left a bad taste in my mouth. One of my friends was so outraged by this that SHE wrote me a check for the cost of his ticket (which I turned down of course, but I appreciated the gesture!).
Sheri
That's very considerate advice of you. :) That's actually another thing - I have a good job and actually make more money than him - but he never lets me pay for anything! We've actually had arguments over it in our few weeks of dating. He actually let me pay for the popcorn last night, so yes, I will try to pay for as much as I can tomorrow!
Thanks
M