Completely Confused
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Completely Confused
| Sun, 06-27-2004 - 3:11am |
So i wrote the it literaly hurts almost a week ago. This week has been hell, but at the same time, its been ok. I learned more about myself than anything could have taught me. i am now a lot more independent and i see how much people are there for me. I have hard times still. Like right now. Im just sitting here crying. It gets really hard to think of him and know that at this moment he isnt thinking of me or wanting to be with me. I messed up and called him a few times. Sorry I didn't listen to your advice it just got really hard to keep my strength. he came over the other day just to try to start as friends. and we kissed and i slept in his arms and he said how he wanted to do that again. I got my hopes up. . . . he still wanted to be with me . . . why does he keep pushing me away? in the morning though it was all different and he said it was a big mistake. when we talked about it he said he would think about things but just wanted to be friends. im so confused. is he trying to keep me around to have me there or does he really care or what? i dont know what to do. he is so important to me and such a huge part of my life i dont know how the no contact thing could work. i have to see him in a few days, i have to get my cat from his place( it was staying there while i went to visit my parents) im so scared to see him, i dont want to get hurt any more but im hoping there is a chance he will change his mind. what should i do? what can i do? help!

the problem is, this in between stuff really feeds your false hope and it prevents you from moving on with your own life.
you dserve somebody who is really willing to put their whole selves into your relationshp, no back and forth BS. you know how you feel about this person, you know what you're willing to do to be with him. he should be as confident as you are, because when both people believe in the relationship and want to work things out, they can, but when 1 person just doestn want to...well its just not fair to either of you to force it. as much asy ou hope he'll change his mind and come back to you, its not good for yout o wait around and allow him to jerk you around until he makes a decision. if you separate and he should later decide he does want to be with you--well, thats HIS problem, not yours, and he'll address it at that time. right now you deserve a decision 1 way or another.
i knwo that he's a huge part of your life and it is SO hard to be out of contact. but the no contact thing will be temporary, and the pain of his loss will also be temporary. its not possible to go from relationship to friendshp overnight, you know? you need some time and some distance. with a few months apart, with your own life on track again , maybe eventually you can be friends. or you can exchange emails without it hurtin too much, or you could run into each other somewhere and it wouldnt be awkward. but right now, its just not good for you.
and the initial pain of being out of touch with him WILL fade with time. the first few weeks are the hardest and then it gets better day by day. continue to post here and vent about what you're thiking and read the stories of the other women here and you'll get through this i promise.