having a terrible night....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
having a terrible night....
14
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:43pm
hey guys...i just wanted some encouragement right now. im having a bad moment.

i feel so alienated from the entire universe. i know it sounds dramatic, but i feel like i dont connect with anybody anymore--its part of the age im at, i just feel so mentally lost.

the people i work with are only a few yrs older than me, and they're so great, yet i cant connect with them because i feel so young and dumb.

my friends my age, all recent college grads, are just as lost as i am. we're no help to each other, we all just complain and say the same sh*t over and over.

and my best friend is a year younger than me, and she and i are doing the worst of all. tonight we had dinner and i realized just how emotionally distant we both ahd become from each other. she was upset about something, and i was trying to console her, but everything i said was the wrong thing, she was just getting more and more upset, and i realized that i really did NOT understand what she was going through, i tried but i just couldnt get out of my own self involved little bubble and say the things she needed to hear--i just said the things i wanted to say.

i felt hte same way about her last week, when i was upset, i felt like she was saying certain things but they were the wrong things, because she was telling me her thoughts instead of trying to put herself in my place and help me restructure my problem. we both used to be able to get into each others' heads and pick each others feelings apart like 2nd nature. she was almost inconsolable by the time we were walking home from the restaurant--she was miserable and i handt helped her at all. she knew my heart was in the right place but she didnt really want me to reach out anymore.

and worst of all right now i miss my ex more than ever. i miss him because i feel so lost, so disconnected, so sad and confused about who i am and what im doing and i want somebody strong to put their arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, even if its all a lie. i dunno if its himt aht i miss, or if its the comfort of a boyfriend, the stability of a relationship, of having somebody who loves you and of having that to count on. all i know is that im so lonely and i wish he was here for me.

i just want to stop feeling so lonely...

send me some happy thoughts please

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:03pm
Hon, it will get better, it takes time. It sounds like the both of you are going through an emotional upheaval right now and while your hearts are in the right place, you are both in ruts and aren't able to "say the right things." Believe it or not it happens a lot. Being and feeling alone can be your worst enemy or you can turn that time into time for reflection. Look at things that are plaguing you. Getting back with your ex is not going to accomplish getting through this rough patch, it will just mask the underlying problems.

I know it would be great to have someone there, holding you and telling you everything is going to be OK, I wish I had that too. But unfortunately we are at a point in our lives where that someone isn't there yet. We take these weak points and turn them around. You aren't alone and there are people like me who care. I've been there and have been feeling the same all weekend long. The emotions tumble onto you like a waterfall but once you are out, you feel refreshed and ready to face the world again. Hang in there and keep the faith!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:03pm
sorry to be annoying...just wanted to add some other thoughts...its taking all of my energy right now not to read my exboyfriend's livejournal or his profile, to look at old pictures...im in such a bad place mentally that i want to revert to somethign that brought me joy, but i know that if i do those things it will only bring me more misery...i just want somethign to count on right now...

sorry if im being whiny or something

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:08pm
You're not being annoying. You are trying to find happy moments in your life to help you out of this. It is so easy to remember all those happy times with your ex when you are depressed. Do not whatever you do look at his stupid journal. It will only serve to hurt you more and drive the knife in deeper.

Wouldn't it be nice to be kids again and just play out on the playground and think boys had cooties?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:14pm
im craving a toxic relationship with my ex. im reaching a breaking point i think...tell me im crazy. tell me its the worst thing in the world to be involved in a push and pull relationship. tell me that as much as you may want that person there, its not going to make you feel any better to let them jerk you around, that having them once in a while wont be enough,that its not possible to "take what you can get" tell me that all the tv shows and books and movies that romanticize the misery of love are all BS because i deserve something pure and real.

becuase in this sick, twisted, diisguting way i want it. i want my ex back, in any capacity. im willing to have a purely physical relationship--as despicable as that sounds and as reluctant as i am to admit it, i just want him. i hate this loneliness im experiencing right now, and i feel like im getting desperate in this way where i just want somethign to hold on to.

garlandfairy, thank you for your advice and your encouragement. its just a bad night and some bad moments any comforting words are appreciated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:26pm
Hon you are welcome any time. I am just glad that I caught you here to at least give some sort of encouragement. I remember the same moments that you are going through, I have even gone as far as letting the phone ring and then hanging up.

He is the worst thing for you, especially now. Just think if you follow through with this, you will even worse and maybe even like a tramp. It's difficult, heck it's almost intollerable to be lonely, especially when you crawl into bed at night. But know that there is someone out there that is better for you and will treat you how you deserve to be treated. Don't fool yourself with the "good times." How much of a fool will you feel if he turned down your advances of being physical?

These risks may seem worth it right now, but believe me they aren't. He's like a drug you've been addicted to because it is what you knew and what lies ahead of you is unknown and can be quite scary. You will survive this and your life will be better. You won't be sleeping next to a regret of your life. You cut the dead wood from yourself and you need to heal. You are strong enough to make it through, I know you are. What seems your bleakest moment will be your strongest. You owe it to yourself not to find out what he's doing or make contact with him.

Lonliness makes the walls seem like they are closing in on you I know and the safety net of an ex is very appealing at this point even though it is the last thing that you should do. He is the worst thing for you. The crap that you put up with him is not worth satiating yourself with his physical presence. You don't want to feed his ego. Be strong and be wise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:30pm
i really know how you feel im in that same situation only worse hes with someone else now, im so tempted to give in to his offer and be friends but listen to people who say dont, they have been there. i know its easier said than done but dontgive in it will only make it worse. in the end you will end up hurting more i kinda know because i gave in to that a couple of times already. gather all the strength that you have and we can pull this through..keep me up to date on how ur doing, whenever ur tempted to talk to him or email him just do wut i do, i post a message and it somehow helps, dont worry if you cry while posting it helps a little bit. just like me, hang in there
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:33pm
(((HUGS))) to both of you! I know this is a terrible situation to be in, but you'll make it! I know you can!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:59pm
You're not being annoying...your just going through some tough times and we can all understand that!! I know how tough it is when you want to reach out to somebody and help but can't say the right things. It's tough but as you said your friend knew your heart was in the right place and I'm sure she appreciates the effort regardless. I also know it's been tough for you to avoid looking at your ex's live journal but you've been succeeding in avoiding it...and for that you should be proud. Things won't always feel like they do now....they'll get better and you won't feel so alone. Don't forget we're all here for you when and if you need us! Good luck!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 12:17am
thank you all so much. i had a moment of weakness tonight, but it DID help me to post and it also helped to hear your reminders and encouragement. i know im going to be fine, its just that in those moments the pain can be so overwhelming. garlandfairy hit the nail on the head when she said that the future is so uncertain so i want to return to somethign familiar even if it isnt the best thign for me. the same way an addict returns to a drug when they're stressed out . i actually smoked a cigarette today too lol. nope, not proud of it, not a smoker, just really needed to take the edge off...

i miss my ex, but you're all totally right, i wont feel better if we hook up. its been almost 4 months of no contact, which is really good i think, cos its gotten so much easier with time. by not being in contact i think we have a MUCH better chance of being able to hang out as friends one day.

but then i think...hey, w/ 4 months of no contact, if we hooked up njow, i'd probably be able to handle it right? but i guess thats not true. tell me thats not true

my job is going to get busier but i know i'll be able to step up and do what it takes. right now i feel so incompetent at it, i feel like i suck--but if i sucked, they woulda fired me right?

my problem is i just expect myself to excel at everything--im such a friggin overachiever and i have no patience for myself. i need to accept that i'll have moments of weakness and that i'll get past them. im already feeling better than i felt earlier this evening. i have to find productive ways to get through those moments and stay optimistic .

realistically i know that even 1 yr from now i'll be a million times happier, and this is hard time of life and everybody deals with it differently and everybody gets through it. this knowledge doesnt make the moments any harder, but when the moments pass this clarity returns to me.

thank you all for your continued support :) please keep posting and allowing me to care about you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:04pm
awww

you were doing so well!!! I haven't seen you post on here in a few days!!

like the rest of the posters said, hang in there. I still get the occasional bad day.. but they are slowly becoming few and far between. The only time I really miss him is when I'm bored, or i'm reminded of something he did, or whatever. But like yourself, i'm unsure if it's HIM i miss, or juts miss having someone to share things with, miss the relationship, etc. A part of me knows i'm better off without him, he did so many things to drag me down. But another part of me still thinks we can work it out (even though im pretty sure we can't). blah.

Just, yeah, hang in there, and you'll get through this. you are doing the right thing.. anytime you have a bad day and need support, keep on postin here!

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