He's online

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
He's online
8
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:25pm
He's on line right now. I haven't seem him on line in the past two months since he broke up with me. I want to talk to him. It is taking all my strenth not to do this. He hasn't taken me off his AOL IM list. I am shaking. OH MY GOD!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:31pm
Ladyophelia,

Don't talk to him. You have been doing so well. Can you block him from your list? Stay strong and focused on your healing and growth. Get off line if you have to, but don't talk to him. I know it's probably really hard for you right now not to email a simple "hi," but its not worth it. Post here whatever you would say to him. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 12:36pm
He logged off a minute ago. It said that he had been online for 36 minutes. He did not contact me at all. I had been wondering all along if he blocked me or something. From what I remember, he has his IM set like mine, if you aren't on my list - you can't see if I am logged in or not. I had also been wondering if he was alive since we haven't spoken to each other since he broke up with me 2 months ago today. This is why it was so strange to check who's online and find him there. I was good, I was strong and did not contact him. It took all I had not to send a "Hello" message. I have come so far to fall backwards and be devistated again.

I know I should block him from my list but I can't or from any where else actually. That would make it so final and although I have come a long way, that's a step I am not ready to take just yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:57pm
ladyophelia--i understand what you're feeling. the internet has been my best friend and worst enemy throughout my break up.

but you HAVE to take him off yoru buddy list. why? because seeing his im name on your list keeps him in your face, keeps him in your present reality, feeds all of your fears and insecurities and false hopes, and prevents you from moving forward.

i realize this is a very big step.

but you know what you always have to remember--goodbye for now is NOT goodbye forever. you take him off your buddy list now, maybe in a few months if you start feeling better about yourself or your life, you can put him back on. it doesnt help you during the healing process, THAT is all im saying. it didnt help me, it didnt help me to read his away msgs or his livejournal, it just made things worse. but the idea of losing him forever was so much scarier, the idea that i didnt kno whow he was or what he was up to--that KILLED me.

but i know my bf is alive and keeping busy. i know that one day i CAN call him if i need him becaue his # hasnt changed. i CAN email him if i want to because i still remember the email addy. and i CAN re-add him to my buddy list when i feel like i can handle it. and you can too. you're not going to lose your ex forever unless you want to. its only right now that you have to remove him from your life because you'll never feel better if you dont.

2 months is not a long time, its not time enough to be over somebody. im VERY proud of you that you didnt im him becuase i know that must have been torturous to see his name on your IM list and do nothing about it. stay strong and be patient with yousrelf, but please try your best to take the steps necessary for your recovery right now.

good luck and please keep posting we're all here for you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 4:56pm
Congratulations on NOT contacting him!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 10:16pm
Thank you for all of your support. There is no way I could have survived without all of you and this board. Right after he logged out I walked out of work and went for a drive to clear my head. I was shaking and shell-shocked but I survived. What made this so weird is the 2 months ago today he broke up with me. I haven't seen or heard from him in all of that time. So you can imagine how shocking it is to log in and see that he is online today of all days. No, I don't think he realizes what today is. It's quite a morbid anniversary of sorts but still a milestone. I was strong and did not contact him at all. It would have been so easy to say "Hi" and see what would transpire. I know that he has hurt me enough and that I can not handle anymore rejection from him. Two months is a relativly short time in the grand scheme of things but as I look back and see how much I have progressed in that amount of time, I am really proud of myself. I know it's a process and that I might regress but I have survived this long and will keep on, keeping on! One day, I will see him online and won't give him a second thought. I am just working towards that day...each tiny step at a time.

Kir

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:18am
you have survived 2 months, youre a strong girl, keep it up because thats a good example for people like us whos just experiencing the pain of losing someone recently, right now i know how you felt when you saw her name cuz thats wut i feel everytime i see his name, its so hard not o to say hi when ur used to doing it everyday. i not only blocked his name, but i deleted it, it was so hard because now i dont know if hes on or not. but i guess everybody is rite eventually it will be for the best..hang in there !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:34am
Don't do it please!. i know how u feel and i don't blame u if u do it. but u will regret it. It;s over. I have in the past IMed my ex while he's online and i always en up wishing i hadn't. talking to him is not going to give u the closure u need. it's just going to hurt u or give u false hopes. Just move on and accept that it's over. i know it's hard. i am in the process of moving on too, so i understand. But i took him off my buddylist to avoid the temptation. trust me. don't do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:51am
I was good, I didn't contact him. Even when he was came online last night. I have to admit it was much easier when he either wasn't online or had me blocked for these past two months. I got used to not seeing his screen name pop up. I was getting used to the idea that he was out of my life and I needed to move on. I am not ready to "delete" him from my life but I can handle not contacting him. I've been doing that for the past two months. It was just very shocking to see him online when he's been hiding for so long.