Is age really a factor?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Is age really a factor?
1
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:38am
I know alot of you have all had experience with CP, adn was wondering if age is a factor, or if that's the way they really love...I was 22 and my EB was 23 when we broke up. We had dated for a year and I was the most serious non-LDR he has had since - get this - high school. This is someone who has had 15+ "girlfriends" by the time he was 22.

It was confusing to go from him wanting to buy furniture together for his house, to blatantly flirting with girls in front of me. I wa close with his family and friends, and stayed for weeks at a time at his house, so to me, he wasn't acting very phobic...

By the end of our relationship he had totally pushed me away, saying that he didn't want a serious relationship right now, that he thought of me more as his best firend than girlfriend, and that he was never really "relationship-y."

I guess my question is, is he just an immature guy who wants his freedom and will settle once he gets older, or are these classic signs of a true CP who will never change his ways?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 11:35am
age is a factor but its not the only factor. it sounds more like your ex is just an immature guy who wants his freedom, but will slowly settle down as he gets older. a lot of us are going to outgrow our relationship issues with time and experience, and it also sounds like your ex doesnt have a lot of experience because he has had a lot of short term flings but not a lot of serious relationships.

most people i know have a serious relationship in college and 1 in high school--i myself also had a lot of short term flings, never had a bf in high school, and was very serious with my most recent ex. this is because i refused to settle down with anybody, i kinda wanted to just to have fun with my friends, and i was holding out for Mr. right in many ways. im not a CP, but i was immature and i didnt care whose feelings got hurt because i just didnt want a serious relationship. 1 of my exes said to me once that it seemed like i just wanted to "play house".

maybe that could apply to your ex. maybe as much as he enjoys a lot of the benefits of a relationship, overall he's just not ready to deal with teh whole package. guys and girls alike in our early twenties, we seem to be putzing around a lot. i watch my friends walk from 1 screwy relationship to the other, they're making mistakes, their bf's are making mistakes, nobody seems to know what they're doing half the time. and i do think we're going to outgrow our issues with more time and experience. the smartest thing for you to do now i'd say is to take his word for it, heed his warnings that he's not "relationshipy" and go on your merry way knowing for SURE there are guys out there that aren't like that.

he doesnt sound like a CP, he sounds like a normal young guy who's just immature. if he's still acting this way in 10 years, which i know a lot of guys do, he's probably got bigger issues than just immaturity.

good luck :)