It just hit me that it's over

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
It just hit me that it's over
3
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 6:35pm
It just hit me in a big way. I am sitting at home crying. All the hopes I've harbored, all the wishes, all the dreams have been shattered. It hurts almost as much as it did when he broke up with me. I was holding on to all these little hopes from not having closure and the confusion caused by the break up. I got my closure, I just didn't think it would happen like this. See my post below for more details. This feels as sudden as the break up was. I can no longer convince myself that he might possibly come back to me some day. It's over! Everything we had is over! He is not coming back! I can't believe how stupid I was. I was doing so well. I was getting over him. My heart was healing, I was slowly movig on. Now I feel as though I've taken 100 steps backwards. I was even looking forward to going out on dates again and now all I want to do is cry and hide in my apartment.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:11am
This is a normal part of the healing process, hard as it is...the moment when hope dies. It feels like a setback, I know, but it is part of what you have to go through to heal and move on.

The healing process isn't a straight line. You move forward, then back a bit, then forward some more, then back...I always try to focus on the inevitable truth, that "the only way out is through".

So long as you don't have contact with him, and focus on acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other, time will do its magic. As many times as I've gone through it, I know it's true, even though it's hard to FEEL that when you're in the middle of it.

Hang in there.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 11:15am
I know exactly what you are going thru --- I am dealing with the same thing. I am at the 3 month mark. About a week or 2 ago, I came to realize that it was over for good. He was not coming back. Time away from me did not make him miss me more, or make him realize what he had in me, and what he was giving up. He does not want me in the kind of relationship I want with him. He does miss me as a friend, and that is it. He has reconnected with an old girlfriend who he had been in love with many years ago(before his marriage). It was her re-appearence into his life that started his confusion about me. But in some ways, it has helped me to know this. I know that it's not that I wasn't good enough for him, it's just he never lost the feelings for her in 20 years. If this had been anyone else but him, the reconnection with a lost love would seem very romantic to me. But now it just seems bitterly ironic.

You are right, it was like the breakup was happening all over again. Although there was more sadness than the physical pain. All my buried hopes and dreams died and I had to grieve all over again. In some ways it was liberating, knowing for sure. But I found myself crying my eyes out all over again. The last few days have been better. Tuesday was a beautiful day and I was feeling wonderful. I had to use my cell phone(which I rarely do) and there were his 3 phone numbers in the contact list. I started to feel bad, then I just told myself --- That was then, this is now ----. I know I still have a few months to go before I am healed, and I hope by then I will be able to think of him fondly, and not with hurt and resentment.

I am striving to get to the point where I can think of my year with him as a beautiful gift, and not with the regrets I have felt. In the end, my only regret should be that what we had is over.


Edited 7/1/2004 11:37 am ET ET by iofbeholder
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 5:02pm
I am doing much better now that the initial shock has worn off. I started to think of what I could do to stop him from hurting another woman like he has hurt me. In the end, I realized that there is nothing I can do and that one day he will have a woman hurt him as much as he hurt me. Maybe at that time he will realize what it feels like to have another person destroy you and feel some regret. Deep down I knew that some day he would go looking for another girlfriend, I was under the impression that it wasn't going to happen for quite some time. In my world, 2 months isn't "quite some time". I try to remain positive since so many good things have happened to me. I am now just sad that it is over and that he felt that his only recourse was to end our relationship. But it is better that he did this now than down the line when we might have been married with children. A small consolation but one non the less. My new mantra will be that every day is one day closer to being healed. Some days might be better than others and eventually the good days will out number the bad. And I will be able to look back on our time together as a fond memory not a bitter experience. And I am going to keep posting so that I can get all my feelings out.