It just hit me that it's over
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It just hit me that it's over
| Wed, 06-30-2004 - 6:35pm |
It just hit me in a big way. I am sitting at home crying. All the hopes I've harbored, all the wishes, all the dreams have been shattered. It hurts almost as much as it did when he broke up with me. I was holding on to all these little hopes from not having closure and the confusion caused by the break up. I got my closure, I just didn't think it would happen like this. See my post below for more details. This feels as sudden as the break up was. I can no longer convince myself that he might possibly come back to me some day. It's over! Everything we had is over! He is not coming back! I can't believe how stupid I was. I was doing so well. I was getting over him. My heart was healing, I was slowly movig on. Now I feel as though I've taken 100 steps backwards. I was even looking forward to going out on dates again and now all I want to do is cry and hide in my apartment.

The healing process isn't a straight line. You move forward, then back a bit, then forward some more, then back...I always try to focus on the inevitable truth, that "the only way out is through".
So long as you don't have contact with him, and focus on acceptance that it's over and that the two of you weren't right for each other, time will do its magic. As many times as I've gone through it, I know it's true, even though it's hard to FEEL that when you're in the middle of it.
Hang in there.
Sheri
You are right, it was like the breakup was happening all over again. Although there was more sadness than the physical pain. All my buried hopes and dreams died and I had to grieve all over again. In some ways it was liberating, knowing for sure. But I found myself crying my eyes out all over again. The last few days have been better. Tuesday was a beautiful day and I was feeling wonderful. I had to use my cell phone(which I rarely do) and there were his 3 phone numbers in the contact list. I started to feel bad, then I just told myself --- That was then, this is now ----. I know I still have a few months to go before I am healed, and I hope by then I will be able to think of him fondly, and not with hurt and resentment.
I am striving to get to the point where I can think of my year with him as a beautiful gift, and not with the regrets I have felt. In the end, my only regret should be that what we had is over.
Edited 7/1/2004 11:37 am ET ET by iofbeholder