He called me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
He called me...
5
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 9:21pm
Well, he called me when I was at work today. I would have rather not have talked to him, since I had been doing so well, but I don't have caller id on my work phone and he called me direct. He called to tell me he was going out of town until next Wednesday and asked me to keep an eye on his car (his car is out of commission and it's sitting in my apartment complex parking lot). I acted very chipper as if nothing was wrong. It was a very short convo, and when I hung up I was just shocked, I guess. As I said in my previous post, we left things between us in pretty good terms... I just wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I cried on Monday night after he left from picking up his things (not at all in front of him), but then Tues and Wednes I was fine. I felt relieved not having to wonder if he was going to call me when he said, or show up when he said. I didn't even have an urge to talk to him at all. But now this. I want so badly to call him and ask if this really is it or not. Or even just email him, but I'm trying so hard not to. We both agreed that the relationship wasn't working, and I know I can't continue to be with him the way things were, but I also really want to believe things will work out between us, after all it was 3.5 years. I'm so confused... I know there is so much love between us and I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: jap524
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 9:42pm
I know this is tough on you and you've been doing great....don't back down now! The urge to call will pass....just don't call...it won't solve anything. It's normal to want to try and work things out but you both know it wasn't working. Your still going to have problems trusting him and you'll still have those communication problems....those are two big problems that don't just suddenly go away. I think this time away from him can do you some good. Just focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Try and stay busy and come post as often as you want and we'll try our best to help. Good luck!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: jap524
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 9:33am
He breaks up with you then he calls you, and asks you to keep an eye on his car?? Can you say "Tow Away!" I would probably call a Tow Company. "Gee, I don't know who's car this is parked in the driveway, but it's been there for a day. Can you move it?"

Nah, I'm just kidding. That would be wrong and immature. ;) But it does bother me that after the emotional stress he has put you through, he would call and ask you to watch his car...

The balls of some men....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
In reply to: jap524
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:33pm
My ex has been doing this thing lately where he calls to ask to use my printer. His other friend has the exact same printer. When he calls to use it, he asks when I will be around in the next couple of days, like he wants my schedule. He always calls a few days before he'll need it, to see when I'll be around. I tell him I never lock my door, he can use it when I'm not here, and also that our friend has a printer, he can use that one too. But he says, oh I'll just call and see if you're around and then I'll come over if you are. The first time he did this was a few weeks ago when I was a bit more vulnerable than I am now. I really didn't want to see him, so said I was going to be gone. He did not say outright he wanted to see me, but the tone of his voice changed and he said he'd had a dream I was having sex with some other guy. I felt at the time that was his way of saying he still cared about me and missed me. So I was around when he came over, like I was expecting him to say something along those lines of missing me or something. After about an hour of chatting and finding out what I'd been up to lately, he told me it really hadn't bothered him in that dream that I was having sex with another guy. just to let me know he didn't *Actually* give a s**t about me. needless to say, i have not fallen for the "needing to use my printer" routine again.

I think exes who are confused like to keep tabs on you. I think your ex is trying to do that too, he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, but he doesn't want to loose you either. I guess it's a natural impulse, but it leads to a lot of games. If I were you, I'd make a really sincere effort to avoid all contact with him. If he has something significant to say to you, then maybe it's worth listening, but these half-ass excuses to keep tabs on you are pretty selfish and don't help you move on. Because you're always expecting some major conversation or breakthrough to come out of it, but neither of you are in a different place than you were when you broke up. What is the point of these little encounters then, except to stir up old feelings and make you more confused and sad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: jap524
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:43pm
I agree with a lot of what you said.. I know he called me on my work phone on purpose- he could have just emailed me or called my cellphone, but he chose the work phone because he knew I would answer. If he called my cell I could have just not answered because I would know it was him. I can't believe I was going to call him last night! Phew.. I'm glad that temptation passed quickly! Thanks guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
In reply to: jap524
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 12:24am
i agree the guys do these stupid things to see what you are up to..like they cant ask a friend to borrow something or watch their stupid cars?my ex rang my phone saying it was an accident..yes i am sure...he texted me he would like to be friends but he is still angry at the things i have said..2 weeks later i called for hell of it to make peace..he didnt pick up,i didnt care..then hr later he rings my phoen 3x i didnt bother picking up...and never bothered calling him since then..i dont have a problem being friends with him,since i have a good life and have no grudges and friends so talking ot him isnt going to bother me or make me want him back..but i guess the things i said still hurt him and he cant talk to me so whatever,be a baby then ..he told a friend of ours he is searign off women...well i am not gonna swear off men..they are a$$holes in relationships BUT they are fun to date