Missing him.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Missing him.....
5
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 11:41am
Hi Everyone.. I have been posting alot since last week when my BF broke up with me after 2.5 years. I am so hurt, and I am going through the stages. We saw each other MOnday nite and he stayed over, him well knowing that he did not want to hurt me. Well- we had a good nite and I have had NC with him since. I am scared, concerned and wondeing IF he will come back after he finds himself. I am not over him at all. What else can I do? it takes alot just to get up and go to work... I know he LOVES me and cares for me,,I have been reading He's Scared, She's Scared, it helped. But not alot.. I know he may be a CP, since he ALWAYS wanted space... And I gave it to him... I feel sick inside, I feel sad, abandoned, and he said to me: I am not going to turn my back on you, unless you tell me too. WHat did he mean by this??? I am so messed up, inside....

Lonely and MISERABLE CJ :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
In reply to: cocajoe
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 1:03pm
When he said he wouldn't turn his back on you, it was because he felt guilty. He feels guilty for the pain he has caused you and he feels that if he says something nice, something with some sort of hope, that it will make you feel better and get over him quicker so he doesn't have to hang on to the guilty of breaking your heart.

Don't expect to be over him in a day, a week or a month. It takes a long time to get over someone you love, but you have to be proactive about it and not just sit there and cry all the time and saying "poor me". People have heartbreaks everyday, whether it is a marriage, a death, or a relationship. You can't stop living your life because some jerk couldn't see all the good inside of you.

PLEASE start learning to put yourself first right now. You have to get into your mind that he probably won't come back. You have to start letting go now, and to do that, you have to stop all contact. No more phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no IMs, no visits and most importantly - NO SEX!

It always gets worse before it gets better, so get yourself through this time in a happy way. Call some friends up and spend the holiday out with them having a good time. Put your ex as far from your mind as you can and be around people who are having a good and happy time - and pull from them all the energy and spunk you can. You almost have to FORCE yourself to have a good time during the initial break-up phase, but its important not to shut yourself out from the world around you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
In reply to: cocajoe
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 6:30pm
I want you to know that I understand your pain and frustration. My bf and I were at the 2.75 mark, and had moved in together 2000 miles away from our friends and family. He told me time and time again he wasn't ready for marriage, scared of committment... finally, it all came to a head. The truth is, we don't need to obsess over a man who doesn't want us or can't handle us. We need to focus on what we need, and what we can make of our lives so that we make a mark on this world. If he doesn't want a committment, don't give it to him. Allow yourself to embrace the possibility that love will enter your life again.

Take care, and I'm here to listen if you need it... my breakup just happened last night!

Avatar for bensand
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: cocajoe
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 11:39am
I'm going through it right now too and I'm here for you .....


Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: cocajoe
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:28pm
Hello- I am sorry to hear of your break up as well. It was 2.5 years with my BF. It has been a ROUGH 2 weeks.... I am very heartbroken and he was calling me every day after my break up and then NOW nothing,, I am nervous he found someone else, or that we may never see each other again. We broke up suddenly.. :( He said that he liked being in a relationship with me... he just cannot be in one... :( He was married for 10 years- then separated from his wife, then met me. He said he needed to find himself .... :( I am so sad, we had a good friendship, and relationship. I am hoping he will come back, but I am nervous that he may never....

PLease help me to figure this out... I feel your pain too....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2004
In reply to: cocajoe
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:47pm
Girl, I think your ex and mine are cut from the same cloth. We finally officially broke things off last night, and it was awful. He cried the entire time; for some reason, I didn't. I think it finally dawned on me that he just IS NOT able to handle intensely emotional relationships, all because of a terribly overbearing mother who forced him into too many things as a child and continues to emotionally abuse her kids. The crappy thing is, WE are left to pick up the pieces of our own lives just because they can't hack it.

As painful as it is (I nearly lost it at work today), I'm trying to see this as my chance for a truly fresh start on life. I can do whatever I want now... and I don't have to try and please him or be afraid of what he thinks. That feels really good, but also scary... I'm not used to being alone. I've been in long-term relationships since I was 16, including a marriage that I left for similar "finding myself" reasons, only to screw that up by meeting my now ex-b.

I think we should use eachother as sounding boards, and also to pump eachother up. I will check this board everyday to help myself, and I hope to help others in the same situation.

Do you really want him to come back? Honestly? Did he treat you the way you deserved? If you can't say yes to those questions, then maybe this was the best thing in the world for you. It will hurt (I know everyday, every hour is a challenge for me.) But through that hurt and pain clarity will come to help us to see the path ahead of us. I know that might sound cheesy, but I believe it is possible.

I'm hear for you whenever you need it...

Sarah

sarahalfreda@hotmail.com