Hard not to beg him to take me back

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Hard not to beg him to take me back
3
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 2:44pm
After weeks of deliberating, I finally ended things with my boyfriend last night. It was the right decision, I know, and everyone is telling me it was the right decision. We moved in together after dating for eight months, and instantly the relationship went downhill. It was an absolute disaster. I keep thinking if we hadn't moved in so soon, it might have worked out. Ultimately I ended it because I realized I can't have a boyfriend living with me when I have a little boy to take care of. It was a mistake to ask him to move in. After he moved in, my son and I seemed to be irritants to him. He'd never lived with anyone before, and simple things were too tough for him--like calling if he was going to be late, or sharing household responsibilities, or even sharing the groceries we split 50/50 with my 6-year-old son. My father couldn't stand him--said he was incredibly immature. My best friend said when since this guy moved in, I was like a different person. My sister said I was acting like I had when I was in an abusive relationship 10 years ago.

But if it was so awful, and if I felt miserable so often in the last month, why do I want him back so bad? Why can't I stop thinking about how tender he could be, and how he could make me smile no matter how bad I felt? Or how much we had in common, or how much he really loved me? I'd never felt so strongly about a man, even my ex-husband. One look at this guy, and it was all over for me. Bam! I was hooked. No looking back. Except now he's gone and I'm already 30, one divorce under my belt, and I feel so awful right now, and like there's no hope for my future.

I feel crippled, like I can't go on, even though I know that this feeling will fade. I just want him so badly--want him to put his arms around me and say that we can work things out, that maybe we just rushed things and even if we don't live together, he loves me enough to keep seeing me.

But I know that would be the wrong thing. Because we said things to each other that we can't take back. And if I begged him to take me back (I know he would take me back), I would just continue to feel ignored and diminished and lonely.

Why is love not enough?

Angie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 5:08pm
I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I know how hard it is in the beginning and how much you want your bf back. Please, please do not beg him to take you back. You will only regret it in the end and start the old patterns again. Stay strong, do what you need to do to get through the day. Cry, scream, write, very important get out and be around other people. Focus on your little boy. It is very easy to remember the good times and the wonderful things he did for you. What you need to do is write down all the mean, horrible, immature things that bother you about him and when you start to look at your relationship with "rose-colored glasses" read that list. What ever you do, do not contact him. No contact is the only way you are going to be able to get over him. It's rough and a horrible thing to go through but I promise that in time you will start to feel better and will eventually be your normal self. Please post on here whenever you need to vent, or feel like contacting him. Everyone on here are great listeners and we all understand how you feel and are going through it. Stay strong, you are not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 11:51pm
I just came home, and he moved all his stuff out today. His key and garage door opener were on the counter. No note or anything. No "I'm sorry it didn't work out." Just an empty house and a broken heart. I've never been terribly upset over a break-up--not even my divorce devastated me like this. The thing is, I don't hate him. I still love him.

Angie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 11:20am
Welcome to the board!! I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out but at least you saw it and stopped it before you invested any more time in emotions into it. I know it's tough and there is always the feeling of longing and wanting him back....but as you know...it *will* fade. You have to do what's best for you and your son and he obviously wasn't working for you and your lifestyle. Just focus on yourself and your son and try and stay busy. Good luck and remember we're here if you need us!













Photobucket