Hard not to beg him to take me back
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| Fri, 07-02-2004 - 2:44pm |
But if it was so awful, and if I felt miserable so often in the last month, why do I want him back so bad? Why can't I stop thinking about how tender he could be, and how he could make me smile no matter how bad I felt? Or how much we had in common, or how much he really loved me? I'd never felt so strongly about a man, even my ex-husband. One look at this guy, and it was all over for me. Bam! I was hooked. No looking back. Except now he's gone and I'm already 30, one divorce under my belt, and I feel so awful right now, and like there's no hope for my future.
I feel crippled, like I can't go on, even though I know that this feeling will fade. I just want him so badly--want him to put his arms around me and say that we can work things out, that maybe we just rushed things and even if we don't live together, he loves me enough to keep seeing me.
But I know that would be the wrong thing. Because we said things to each other that we can't take back. And if I begged him to take me back (I know he would take me back), I would just continue to feel ignored and diminished and lonely.
Why is love not enough?

Angie