pining and feeling really stupid!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
pining and feeling really stupid!
7
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 8:35pm
okay, let me preface this post with: this is so stupid. much like my "having a terrible night" post, i really just needed some momentary encouragement, and you guys are always so good at that so bear with me while i avail myself of your support yet again.

ages ago i concocted this silly fantasy in my head, back when i was reading the ex's livejournals & profiles every day. the fantasy was that my ex was going to try and get my back on what would have been our 1 yr anniversary (july 7th--next wednesday). imagined he'd call me this wknd, maybe sunday, and ask me to meet him on wednesday to talk. or just that he'd be waiting on my doorstep on wedensday evneing when i got home from work. i figured he'd tell me that he was afraid he had made the biggest mistake of his life, that he really loved me, and could we start over, what a perfect day for a fresh start?

so i stopped reading the profiles & livejournals and i let the fantasy take a backseat to reality and honestly, i've been doing really well and moving forward and plunging ahead.

and then i read my frickin monthly horoscope--see , i told yout his was stupid--and it says:

"Don't be discouraged on the 1st. Whatever doesn't come to you will be replaced or rendered irrelevant by the events that illuminate your life between the 2nd and 12th. There are no murky illusions, only brilliant certainties. You're free to be whoever you'd rather be. Faith in the unlikely pays off on the 6th and 7th when reality models itself on fantasy. By the 9th you're ready to commit, and by the 11th you're rebuilding. So what happens on the 13th when some Changeable Charlie revokes permission? Friends rush in to save or bless your efforts on the 16th. But salvaging anything means starting over."

there's more but its irrelevant. okay, so horoscopes are just for fun, they're not to be taken too seriously, esp cheesy ivillage horoscopes. but reading this reactivated my fantasy, which "reality models itself on the 6th or the 7th"???? my stupid little brain is making all kinds of plans and getting girlishly carried away. is it just a coincidence? so um...i read every other sign's monthly horoscope to see if you know, they all applied to me. but the others dont really, i mean they could cos they're so vague but nothing strikes me as much as my own.

i feel SO lame about this, but i cant stop thinking of my ex, planning our reconciliation, planning out f*cking WEDDING i mean for god's sake ladies smack me with an internet-stick or something and get me thinking straight again!

thanks :D

ace

p.s. am i the only loser out there who gets in modes like this? say it aint so!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 9:44pm
Jeez ace...

Firstly, horoscopes are nothing but entertainment. I read mine all the time too, only when i'm bored, and never once has it been correct. So, thats your first mistake. Don't believe in those things, unless of course you're big into astrology.

Secondly, no, you're not the only one who acts/thinks this way... we've all fantasized about our ex's coming back, blah blah. Just some get past it a lil faster.

You're a smart girl, you know what you're thinking is stupid, and you know that you need to get past this. You also know that the chances of your ex coming back are slim to none. You know all of this. You just need to accept it. So how about instead of reading horoscopes, and posting "what if's" (in regards to your last post, although it was a good one!!), we start talking about ways to move on. Even if you have to point out every flaw your ex has, if that's what it takes, start doing it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 10:33pm
you're totally right, i am being stupid and getting my hopes up for no real reason.

i dont think horoscopes are completely b.s. but i do think the cheesy monthly internet hosroscope from ivillage doesnt mean a damn thing. im just in a really retarded mood and i needed somebody to talk some sense into me.

you're right, im being dumb, i need to go back and read some of my own posts about why its important to let go and move on and take my own damn advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 11:18pm
Oh- don't be too hard on yourself. Everyone has their ups and downs - it is normal. You already know that. You will have to live through the next few days and that may be hard- but you will get there. Who knows maybe something even better will happen to you! We all have wishful thinking- but you can't change that. You have to do what you think is right for you and not worry about the future...we can only live in the here and now and try to be happy.

tb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 12:06am
thank you tb, you are very right. there are always ups and downs and i have to learn to go easy on myself. i already realize how far i've come in the past few months. i mean now when i think about my ex its just annoying, its not heartwrenching like it once was.

and i thinkt here is something to be said for a healthy level of fantasy, one that gets you through the day and gives you hope. no, my ex probably wont come back to me. and holding out for a reconciliation is just going to hurt me more. in all honesty im too busy for a relationship right now anyway!

but sometimes my fantasies about him and us keep me smiling, keep me happy, keep me from getting too lonely and hopeless. so the key is to find a balance, how to move on without completely stripping yourself bare. letting go is a step by step process...and i've alreayd let go so much.

plus i gotta stop reading my horoscope lol.

its just sometimes i get so bored at work...hah i should just post more ^_^

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 12:12am
just think about doing these things,getting married etc,with a guy someday in your future..one who treats you like you deserve....:)hopefully we all get that..even if we don`t,there is more to life of course...but lets be positive
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 1:08pm
everything just feels so unstable...i dont even know where im going to be living in a month! everything's so short term, nothing makes sense...and i miss my ex more than ever because i just want something i can count on...thanks for your support, i'll try and keep optimistic
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 7:19pm
Oh sweetie!! Don't feel bad...it's just wishful thinking. It would be nice for your fantasy to come true...just don't get your hopes up...horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only but we've all got carried away like that at some point. I know the 7th is going to be hard on you but we're all here for you. Good luck!













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