I was too jealous

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
I was too jealous
4
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 7:57am
Hi all,

I am facing a problem here and I'd appreciate any advice I can get from everyone.

I dated this guy for about 4 months and last week he broke up with me over the phone. I had known him for 2 years before we started dating; unfortunately, when we started, we were living in different countries and thus it was a long-distance relationship right from the start. However, we had plans to try to move to the same country within the next few months.

Everything was fine until my best friend (whom he had a brief fling with 2 years ago) found out about us and has since been trying to break us up. She feeds me stories about him and constantly made me doubt whether it will work between us. Since we couldn't see each other much, it really just made things worse, I was constantly worried if he was cheating on me.

Furthermore, she also seems to want him for herself. She'll do things like offer her place for him to stay when he visits the country she stays in (he goes there a lot for work.) He never took up on the offer but I was really paranoid one day. I confronted him and gave him an ultimatum: if he ever stayed at her place, then it would be over between us. He hung up on me and refused to pick up my calls. The next day, he called and broke up with me. I begged with him to reconsider but he was pretty adamant and refused to budge. Since then, I hear he doesn't even contact my best friend whenever he goes to the country she's in.

I haven't called him since the breakup but 2 days ago, I wrote him an email apologizing for my behavior. I told him that I wished we could still be friends like before. I must admit I was hoping he would change his mind about the breakup and take me back. Unfortunately, he just replied me saying he was sorry for hurting me and that he also wished we could still be friends. His reply was brief, just telling me he had good times with me, and that he was sorry for hurting me.

I will be moving to the same country as him in a few months, and I hate to say this but I am still hoping for a reconcilation. What do you think? Do you think he will ever want to try it out again even after my outburst?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:32am
(((Hugs))) Welcome to the board!! I know Long distance relationships are hard and so are long distance break-ups!! I can understand the whole jaalousy thing....but I can't imagine why you'd still consider this girl a friend if she poisoned you against your bf and wanted him for herself. I can't blame your bf for ending things...I'm not to fond of ultimatimens myself and probably would have ended things also...not to mention that it comes off as if you don't trust him. Whether or not he'll ever come around to being with you again is anyone's guess but I think maybe you should take this time to heal and then try the friendship and don't push the issue to much and see what happens. Also don't move for him...only move if it's something you want whether he's there or not. If you move for him you're likely to regret it later. Good luck and keep us posted!!













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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:01pm
It's sounds like the you and this guy are good friends and the timing may have just been off with both of you in different Countries. I think when you move you should attemp to first heal the friendship and see where it goes from there. Anything is possible and when the 2 of you are together you may see things in a different light. As for your "best friend" her actions do not represent those of a friend, I am sorry to say that but I think you really need to consider why she would be trying to "poison" your relationship...why doesn't she just want you to be happy and why would she offer a place for him to stay if she was so determined that you should not be with him, if he was such a bad guy why does she want to hang around with him? It sounds like you are in a tricky position and have a lot of thinking to do when it comes to your frienships. I hope this is not too harsh, I hope you get everything all figured out....I really do think that if when you 2 are in the same place and on the same page then maybe you can make a go of it and give it one more try....if it's meant to be...it will be.

good luck

Kristine
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 10:16pm
Hi all,

Thanks for the warm welcome, that was really nice. And of course, thanks for the sound advice :)

Just to keep you posted on my situation....I called him 2 days ago, and he seemed ok, didn't really talk about the relationship, just how we were doing with our lives and stuff. I must say I was more disappointed than embarressed because I have to admit I was hoping he will take me back. But when he didn't I just let it be and said bye. I suppose you're right, it's better to mend the friendship first.

As for my friend....well, I haven't confronted her or anything, but I have since kept my distance. You're right, she's nothing but a back-stabber.

And also, I won't be moving because of him. I've actually planned to go back to graduate school for some time (even before we started dating) and I think it will be good for me because I really hate being where I am currently.

Thank you again, and I will keep you posted :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Tue, 07-13-2004 - 5:08pm
I'm glad to hear things are looking a bit brighter for you. Don't be upset that he didn't jump right back into things with you...mend the friendship, there has been a lot of lost trust there so after you feel better about that, perhaps the both of you can work on something together whatever it may be. Good for you for going back to school too, it will make you feel much better. Keep us updated!!

Take care

Kristine