I don't understand :(
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| Tue, 07-06-2004 - 9:06am |
Last night we broke up. Things are awful.
He started seeing a therapist a few months ago. She told him he has a fear of abandonment that he keeps reliving with women. So two weeks ago I asked if he wanted to move in and he said no. But I didn't really understand his reasons so we talked a lot this weekend and he told me what the therapist had said about him "reliving his abandonment" so I said well stop the cycle & move in with me.
and he still said no so what can I conclude except that he, who said that he loved me & wanted to be with me all the time clearly did not mean it. So I told him to leave.
But I'm so bummed out :( We always had so much fun together and things were so good. I didn't realize him trying to fix "his issues" would destroy our good relationship.
Any advice.
I sit in a darn cube at work and trying not to cry is taking all my energy so far today

If you had issues of your own and your boyfriend wasn't supportive and broke up with you, wouldn't that just feel awful? Wouldn't you want your boyfriend to support you and understand?
Honestly, I think if you just give him time to go through this and get himself straight - while you stand by his side - it can work! AND don't be in such a rush to move in. GIVE HIM SOME BREATHING ROOM!!!!
I don't know if you ever have been to therapy or not, but you need support and not people turning their backs. I applaud him for getting healthy. Just allow him to do it at HIS speed and just be okay without moving in. Let him become independent on his own - IN the relationship! That would be awesome for him to be able to learn to do with a wonderful girlfriend that stood by his side!
I say sit down and have a talk and if he is not ready to move in - then you two work on that and both discuss your fears and such. JUST because he doesn't want to move in or isn't ready to move in DOES NOT mean he doesn't love you and doesn't want to be with you!