he's back and I'm confused
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| Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:23am |
But after these two months alone, I realize that I need someone who is totally devoted. I feel a little like the trust is gone after he left and I'm not sure if he won't do it again. He did some internet dating while we were apart, but told me last night that none of the women compared to me and he just kept thinking of me all the time while we were apart. He said he was here to be my man, if I'd have him, but that we'd have to take it slow. He was very contrite, and very sincere.
I don't know quite what I feel. I love him, I do know that, but I'm scared of being hurt. I think he needs more time to sort himself out. We've agreed to do lunch at some point, but we've also agreed no physical stuff and let's go slow. I feel like I'm going backwards and starting back at square one. Plus it hurts that he did all this dating while we were apart. Maybe that comes with the recently divorced territory. He did tell me he needed to see what's out there and that he didn't have more than one date with any of these women, with no sex or any further phone calls. He's kind of cute, he actually admitted they blew him off. I suspect his baggage seemed to heavy for them. My admin says (she's a great friend) that he's mine now and if I believe in his character (which I do), he probably won't go wandering off again.
Anyway, I do know that his call last night was a hard one for him to make and he really put his heart out there. I'm stunned that I feel so ambivalent after what I'd been hoping for finally happened. I missed him so much when he was gone, and I took time to work on my own commitment phobic issues, but now that he's back, I'm scared and unsure.
Any advice would be so appreciated. I know a lot of you have been here, so I'd love to hear how you started back up again. I'm feeling a little sad and out of sorts these days. Man, after all of that hoping and wishing, I got what I wanted and I'm just not sure how to deal with it.
Thanks!
