Please help, feels like end of world

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Please help, feels like end of world
1
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 8:14am
Long story but someone please help me.

My boyfriend and i dated long distance one year. I then moved to omaha in october last year from chicago to be with him (he was in college there and from there and i lost my job). He said to me all the time..he could never be without me and he loved me so much we were going to get married. HE is 23 and i am 27. We then decided that he would move to chicago because there were more opportunities for us. HE got a job and took it and satarted looking for apartments. A week later ( 2 weeks ago) he just ended it ..saying he feels like i'm a friend and that he doesn't love me like he should and he forced himself to go out with me for 2 years. HE said he didn't want me in omaha but feltl ike he had to have me there cuz i wanted to be there. HE said he felt pressure for marriage. Now I never knew any of this. I feel ilke he got scared about leaving friends and family after just graduating college and it was a lot of pressure to leave get a job get a car get a place to live..and for him i feel like he felt if he moved to chicago that was it..he had to marry me.

I want him back..i want him to see things can be different we can make it work wityhout him moving here we can start over wtihout the pressrues..i just want him in my life. How do i get him to see that ....how do i get him to miss me..because I know deep down he is a caring, kind man who has so much love..he is just being so mean now...saying he would say nice things to me because it's what i wanted to hear and that he's not attractyed to me likethat...BUT he came out here last thursday to talk things ouver and of course he like me enough to have sex with me and hold my hand and kiss me and make me feel like there might be a chance. HE said when he left friday"let's see how things go" what do i do? do i not talk to him..do i try to convince him? I am miserable..i truely feel i would be better dead...i don't want to wake up, i can't get through my days.

please help..i awnt him back.

amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 1:18pm
take a deep breath. You have every right to be emotional right now and I think what you need to realize that even though you want him back, you should think about why you want him back. Why do you want to be with someone who has pretty much lied to you straigh-faced for the last year. He allowed you to move because he thought you wanted to be there, he told you he liked you even though he didn't in "that way"...that is not repect for you. In life we all deserve someone who has the courage to be honest, if he was not feeling it he could have just ended it, he did not have to go into detail about how much he actually didn't like you. That's just not right IMO. As for the sex, unfortunately men think with their heads and it's not the same one as we do. He will contine to have sex with you because he knows he can...because you care for him. Sex is not an emotional attachement for most men, whereas it is for us. I am in the same boat. I keep thinking that if I show him I'm interested one day he will be...but I am coming to the realization that it doesn't work that way. I know it hurts, I know you want to talk to him, but trust me when I say that as you continue to let him use you you will begin to see that he is not right for you and you will begin to get angry with him. Above all you are entitled to that, because he lied to you, many times, that is not right. There is no way to make a person miss you, he either will or won't. There is no sense in playing this game with him, you will not get what you are looking for out of it. I am so sorry you are going through this right now...I know it's hard, but as the time goes by you will start to feel better. I don't know if it will help, but sometimes when you write things down it lets you get the thoughts out of your head and makes you feel a bit better. I hope you can find something to get you "through the day" but remember it's ok to let yourself greive and feel the pain, it's the only way to make it though. Good luck

Kristine